I'm a travelin' man I've made a lot of stops all over the world And in every part I own the heart Of at least one lovely girl
When Ricky Nelson sang those words, he was a rock star traveling the globe and probably getting all the action he could handle. But for non-rock star types who want to nail hotties without paying for it -- well, at least the leaving-cash-on-the dresser kind of transaction -- while traveling, perhaps you should be eyeballing her book instead of her boobs.
According to MissTravel.com (more on them in a sec), judging her book by its cover may help you figure out if that PYT is DTF (that's Pretty Young Thing and Down to Fuck for those who don't speak acronym or listen to Michael Jackson). They even released a handy list based on a "study" they conducted of women through polls on their Web site, so you know it's accurate. The "Summer Reading Guide for summer travelers" gives you tips on how to identify chicks looking for a vacation roll in the metaphorical hay. You don't even have to read or anything, because dudes don't read unless it's the sports page or a pie chart showing how much money we made this quarter. Am I right?
The Web site allows pretty people to travel on the dime of well-intentioned strangers who want to help them get where they want to go without their having to pay for it. Here's how they describe it on their Web site:
If you are a beautiful person who wants to travel for free, just signup as a "Attractive Traveler". Attractive Travelers are adventurous and open minded people who love to travel, but lacks the budget to do so. As such, you are looking to meet Generous members who are willing to pay for you to travel, or gift you frequent flyer miles which may be redeemed for free flights on all major airlines. Remember, as a Attractive Traveler, you get to use our website 100% Free.
Let me translate for you:
Are you a hot broke chick who doesn't mind dirty old freaks pawing you for free airfare? You've come to the right place. Sign up and send us photos of yourself so we can make sure you are fine and not some skank who's just trying to ho her way around the globe. If you live up to our standards, we'll hook you up with gross men who will likely expect you to fuck them for your airfare and hotel accommodations. But you're not a prostitute, you're just adventurous. Wink.
According to their release, "Fan-Girls" who like Game of Thrones probably will let you bone them, but they want something more long-term. So if you like it, you better put a ring on it or she'll turn King Joffrey on you and fill you full of crossbow arrows for fun. If you want to lay the wood to a hopeless romantic trapped in a loveless marriage (in the real world, we call that infidelity, but what do you care, you're paying for this!), you might like the "Undersexed Romantic," who will likely be reading 50 Shades of Grey. I mean, that's so obvious, it's like shooting fish in a barrel, and by that we mean light S&M in a seedy hotel bed.
Others include the "Humorous Biographies" category, which are difficult to read, according to the "study," maybe because funny is so, what's the word, ugly. No one wants girls to be funny because that means their smart and no one is smarter than you, cowboy! Everyone knows that. The most difficult of the bunch to coax into doing the nasty is the "Thrill/Mystery" girl, who reads books like Gone Girl. The thrill is really gone from this group, apparently.
But if you really want a sure thing, go for the "Blockbuster Reader." If she is reading The Great Gatsby, Silver Linings Playbook or Anna Karenina (or any overly romantic book recently made into a movie because that's how chicks find their books), she is totally down for the no-pants dance. Of course, that would mean tens of millions of women are DTF, but I guess that's how the ladies roll these days. Funny, we thought the wild ones would be reading historical biographies. Lincoln was so HOT!
No word on what to do if she has a Kindle, but if she does, she's probably some nerd who thinks she's better than you. She's probably dressed like a librarian, but not the hot kind that throw off their glasses and take down their hair like in that porno you saw last week. Bummer.