Nothing stops the machinery of the Houston Press editorial offices like a police chase. And whoo-boy, did KHOU have one for us today.
jackass moron Duke of Hazzard suspect, driving a white Chevy pickup, led police on a 90-minute chase that finally ended with the truck in an embankment, half-submerged in water in the 3800 block of Beltway 8.
It was riveting stuff. We all cringed hoping the
asshole suspect didn't smash into other drivers, who looked like they were lazing along at 60 mph. We learned from the KHOU anchors that the driver held up a dry cleaning store and bailed, firing shots at the pursuing cops.
Um, dry cleaners? Was there a special? Did he make off with the clear plastic garment covers and the paddy stuff that fill out shirt sleeves? Has the store been all but stripped clean of its 2-fer discount coupons? Will customers be robbed of their precious collar stays? In short, why the hell would you rob a dry cleaning operation? Was the bank too busy?
Whatev. We watched as the
shithead motorist finally blew one tire, smashed into a pickup truck, lost the other front tire, then proceeded to speed down a field on nothing but two rear tires and hubris. (We can only imagine how many back country copycats this act has spawned.)
He's sitting in the water now. And with things dying down, we're left wondering:
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What theme song would go best with the video. Something from Waylon? The Benny Hill theme?
Did dude have a rocket pack? Scuba gear? Inspector-Gadget-styled springs in his shoes?
Did the anchors report, "Police say the suspect is wearing a crisp white shirt and immaculately pressed pants."?
We can only pontificate at happy hour. Until then, best of luck to the innocent person that the
bunghole driver hit. Oh, and note to assface suspect: There's no starch in the County orange jumpsuit. -- Steven Devadanam