Miss Pop Rocks Has the Flu

Miss Pop Rocks is sick. The whole basket of fun, including: 102 degree fever, hacking up mucus, uncontrollable sneezing, and so on. But this unfortunate situation has enabled her to conduct a little experiment, entitled “How Many Episodes of America’s Next Top Model Can Someone Watch in a Row?” (The answer, in case you were wondering, is 12.)

There’s a lot of pop culture observation that goes on while stuck on the couch nursing an illness. So forgive my still fever-racked brain (currently down to 99 degrees, thank goodness), and allow me to share some of the thoughts I experienced while riding the couch for three days and putting my remote control on overdrive:

As Americans, have we essentially recreated the gladiator spectacle with this upcoming show “Moment of Truth”? It basically involves strapping people to a polygraph machine in front of their loved ones and asking them questions like, “Do you find your husband attractive?” Is this our modern day equivalent of killing each other in front of the emperor?

The commercial where the man touches everything and it turns to Skittles is bizarre but it makes me want Skittles so bad, man. I wonder how he goes to the bathroom….wait. This is a commercial.

So is Cloverfield the name of the monster or what? Shit, that’s the head of the Statue of Liberty.

Tyra has a signature walk. I wonder if I have a signature walk? If I could get up off this couch, I would find out.

The more I watch “Con Air,” the more frustrated I become with John Cusack and John Malkovich. I gave up on Nicolas Cage a long time ago, but the Johns are a different story. I guess I just expect more out of them. I don’t know why I should…especially Cusack. The man made “Serendipity” for God’s sake.

Look, everything he touches turns to Skittles, even the desk!

“Wall Street” is so totally dated, but in the most perfect way, you know? Like the scene where Michael Douglas is on the beach with that enormous cellular phone. Haha. Hilarious.

“Moment of Truth” should be renamed “We As A Human Race Are Moving Backwards and Here is the Proof.”

What the…Dave Chappelle was in “Con Air”? What?!

Skittles commercial again…don’t touch the desk! Oh. He touched it.

Okay, so in this modeling challenge the girls are going to have to dress up like characters from children’s fairy tales and then fall off a counter onto a mattress. I wonder if that shit really goes down in the modeling world or if Tyra Banks is just off in the editing room laughing her ass off.

Who did Daryl Hannah blow to get the part in “Wall Street”? My God.

Cloverfield, Cloverfield…bet you wish you lived in Jersey, don’t you? Run out of Manhattan, the monster is coming! Woooooh…I need more Advil.

The weird subtext in “Wall Street” is that Martin Sheen and Charlie Sheen play father and son in the movie and they are father and son in real life. Blows your mind, especially when you have a fever of 101. I wonder if Charlie was already a cokehead by then.

If there was an “America’s Next Top Dog Model,” you would win, Max. Max is such a good boy, oh you’re such a good puppy. Bring mommy more orange juice.

Steve Buscemi was in “Con Air”?! STEVE!

Oh the fucking Cloverfield, here it comes who cares.

Skittles…Skittles…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. – Jennifer Mathieu