Here at Rocks Off, we do a lot of research for our wildly popular and intellectually enlightening album cover slideshows. As part of that research, we've found many of those albums to be highly concentrated on the male goinrular area. So at long last, and just in time for the weekend, we've compiled many of them into one pace. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Dong Show. Prrrrrrrobably not safe for work.
Black Dick for President: We're not sure what it means to be "black-rated," but we're absolutely positive we want a Plain Talkin' Records t-shirt for Christmas.
King Missile: Yes, this is the album with "Detachable Penis" on it. Not too subtle.
Captain Beyond: This one's a bit of a "Where's Waldo?", except Waldo is a corkscrew robo-boner.
1999: Check out that number 1 in 1999. The Little Mermaid VHS cover was less ambiguous.
Goblin Cock: That has to gather some serious dust bunnies.
Lennon & Yoko: They were emotionally naked in their music, so why not get literally naked on an album cover? We're kind of glad Ringo never tried this.
Manowar: Wow. No actual nudity here, but we can tell we're only seconds away from some serious shenanigans. And we don't think that fur gauntlet is going to be used for a light foot rub.
Nemesis: Must we? Oh, all right.
Nirvana: Hard to believe this album has been making people vaguely uncomfortable for 18 years now. Wonder what college this kid's picked out?
Nigel Pepper Cock: You can't see under the Jupiter missile, but trust us when we say that Nigel is firmly, throbbingly happy to be standing in the middle of this road in his Reeboks.
The Kinks: We'll let you guess what "Percy" is English slang for.
Sticky Fingers: Wait, wasn't this beast unleashed already?
Tino: We don't know if Tino is a gay performer, or if this album cover is just really, really 80's. Either way, his package is the absolute focal point of the picture, kind of like most of Rocks Off's yearbook photos.
Achtung Baby: Do you see it? Huh, do ya? Proceed to next pic for a close-up.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Adam Clayton: There it is! That's U2's bassist Adam Clayton, by the way, breaking down preconceived notions on U2's weirdest album (and their best, according to many).
Whitesnake: Yeah, okay, so technically the only nudity is female, but I think we all can see what's really going on here.
Xiu Xiu: Is this a Xiu Xiu album cover or a picture we stole from craigslist's "Missed Connections" section?
Liars: Yeah, we've blackmailed some of our friends with Photoshopped pics, too.