Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
WORKING ON NOT BEING SELFISH
Dear Willie D:
I consider myself a good person, but I'm selfish and I don't know how to break the mold. I haven't spoken to my sister in over a year because I wouldn't allow her to use my car to travel back and forth to work. She wrecked her car and didn't have insurance for the repairs. She got mad at me because as she put it, I have two cars and one is just sitting there not being used.
She called our mother and put her in between it, and our mother took her side and called me selfish. Now my mother and I are on not speaking. Why should I have to let her put miles on my car, and what happens if my primary car breaks down while she's driving my other car? Even worse, what happens if she wrecks my car? I feel bad for being this way because she doesn't have transportation to work.
I know it's not my responsibility, but why do I feel so guilty? Do you think I should let her use my car?
You feel guilty because you care. Take into account how responsible your sister is. If she is relatively responsible maybe you could let her drive the least expensive car until an agreed-on get-out date; much in the same manner that someone might be given a move-out date.
Maybe you could have her pay the insurance, and a small note or the whole note if it's not paid off. On a personal note, if I were in your shoes I would say no. I have two sisters, and the only thing either of them has ever been qualified to drive is a man crazy.
HE WANTS ME TO SEND HIM NUDE PICTURES OF ME
Dear Willie D:
I'm sort of dating this guy who lives out of town. We met at a party in Denver a few weeks ago and have since talked on the phone almost every day for at least two hours each time. We have had phone sex and he has sent me a photo of himself nude and asked me to do the same, but I refused. I told him he would have to wait to see the real thing. But he keeps pressuring me to send him naked pictures.
I know guys are into that type of thing, but I don't want to put myself out there like that. What if he shares the picture with his friends, or gets mad at me and posts them on the Internet? I would be mortified. He keeps telling me that he won't share them. What do you think I should do?
Bad idea. By now every female should have gotten the memo about how nude photos shared on cell phones and over the Internet have ruined the reputations of countless young women. The only reason you should share nude pictures of yourself is if you don't care who sees them; that includes: his friends, your friends, your employer, your future employer, your future husband, your in-laws, your children, your children's friends, etc.
When a guy tells a girl he won't share naked pictures of her body, it's the new way of saying he won't tell anybody if she has sex with him. Of course he's going to tell. That's what guys do.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
HAMSTER ON A WHEEL
Dear Willie D:
Hi, big fan. Can u please explain how not to give up when nothing ever works? I've experienced so many setbacks from the start and I'm always playing catch-up. Usually I'm the last who's helped on any level. How is one to make it without being given a chance?
Playing Catch Up:
Start with the small things, such as first being thankful for whatever you have at this moment. Whether it's your health, a job, good friends, a roof over your head, a car, a bus pass or front teeth, there's always something to be grateful for and there is always someone doing worse than you are.
Assuming you have the talent, here are some steps you can take to seizing the moment, and achieving your goals:
- Identify what goal it is that you desire to achieve.
- Find out what it takes to achieve that goal.
- Apply the information with your actions.
- Anticipate setbacks and disappointments along the way.
- Never, and I mean never, give up.
THE GIRL I'M DATING'S SON IS UNCONTROLLABLE
Dear Willie D:
I have been dating a young lady for about five months. She has a four-year old son who is the devil in disguise. The first time he came over to my apartment he stood up on my living room chair in his sneakers that he had just walked through the rain in before entering my house. I waited to see if his mother would say anything, and when she didn't I told him to sit down. He and his mom were laughing like it was funny.
When he refused to sit down I walked over to him, and pulled him down to the seat. She got really angry with me after that. As a result our relationship has stalled out. She still calls me, but it's not the same. Her son is always getting into trouble at school. I'm afraid to get too close for fear it won't work out because of his discipline problems. Is this relationship doable considering the facts?
I was in a relationship like that. I met the girl's son once and promptly banned him and his mama from my house. Your friend's son is unruly and she thinks it's funny. She will always defend him even when he's wrong.
Get out while you're still sane and find a woman without the baggage. Like the so-called war on drugs, this is a battle you will never win.
PREVIOUSLY ON ASK WILLIE D
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
ROCKS OFF'S GREATEST HITS