For over 20 years, R. Kelly has been making sexual history as the official "pied piper of R&B," lovingly encouraging men and women to embrace their inner freaks. He's probably even been present for most of you young bloods' conceptions.
Behind the scenes, though, he's made personal legal history as the unofficial "pied piper of underage girls." Remember the golden shower incident?
It might be hard to start dating again after such a public scandal, even for a "vindicated" man like Kelly. With fourteen albums of poetry dedicated to seducing the ladies, we thought we would do Kellz a solid and start some dating profiles. Went to different dating sites to discuss his hopes, goals, and future in love using only his lyrics.
Harsh R&B realization of the day: Picking apart the lyrics from 1993's 12 Play to 2008's 12 Play 4th Quarter made us realize that R. Kelly has aged into a really dirty old man.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
AshleyMadison.com Ashley Madison is the website for cheaters and those wishing to engage in an affair. This was the site we got the most feedback from. Songs used: "I Like Love" and "Playas Get Lonely"
Match.com Kellz is probably too freaky for the straight lace daters on Match.com. If he was seeking freaks to get Freaky In Da Club, he would probably stick with AshleyMadison.
OKCupid.com OKCupid gave us the most opportunity for originality, but no one really took the bait. Perhaps the ladies on OKC are more familiar with who Robert Kelly is. Songs used: "I'm a Flirt", "Don't You Say No", "Hairbraider"
SilverFishing.com We didn't know what the term "silver fishing" was until today, but we like it. From the homepage, they make every man look like Anderson Cooper. Songs used: "Homie, Lover, Friend", "R&B Thug", "Hairbraider", "Strip For You"