We sat down with Chris Marchiel of Powerglove, the power metal monsters most famous for their incredible video-game covers, to see what we could learn about the guitarist in 30 seconds.
Rocks Off: What is the worst song in the world?
Chris Marchiel: "Just the Girl" by the Click Five because they always play it in Gold's Gym.. No one can work out to that shit!
RO: What is the best lyric in the world?
My, oh my what a wonderful day!
Plenty of sunshine heading my way
I have no idea who sang "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah," and I just sang it out loud in front of a bunch of people.
Author's Note: It's from the Disney film Song of the South, the one that is so racist the Mouse House won't release it on home video.
RO: Someone throws a beer bottle at you on stage. What do you do?
CM: Drink it! Thanks for the free beer!
RO: Without worrying about space, time, or the laws of physics, what would be the ultimate gig?
CM: Assemble a giant zeppelin the size of a small planet or a large moon. Then get a giant projector to project our performance onto the side of the zeppelin and use massive electromagnets to vibrate it as a huge speaker.
We would fly around the universe on said zeppelin and perform for as many different planets and distant cultures as possible, and kill them all at the end of each set. After destroying all life in the universe, we commit ritual suicide by devouring each of our instruments.
RO: What would you buy with a million dollars?
CM: One million kazoos. Or one massive million-dollar kazoo.
RO: What would you buy with your last dollar?
CM: A kazoo.
RO: If you could canonize another musician, who would it be and of what would they be patron saint?
CM: I would canonize myself by shooting myself out of a cannon at the sun while singing a canon in 4 part harmony with myself via tuvan throat singing. And I would be the patron saint of being shot out of a cannon at the sun while throat singing.
RO: What will be written on the plaque beneath the giant statue future generations erect in honor of you?
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CM: Powerglove was a man.
Powerglove plays Friday at House of Blues with The Black Dahlia Murder, Whitechapel, Darkest Hour, Six Feet Under, Dying Fetus, As Blood Runs Black, Oceano, and Fleshgod Apocalypse. Click here to experience the band and six other artists covering the Tetris theme.