The Rocks Off Rodeo Concert Guide is our annual helpful(?) primer for those of you unsure about your HLSR music choices for the big event at Reliant Stadium.
Date: March 14
AKA: "Armando Pérez"
What Kind of Music Is It? Irritable bowel syndrome rap.
Have I Heard Any of His Songs? Even if you don't go in for his curious grunting style of rap, he was a featured rapper on Enrique Iglesias's "I Like It" and Jennifer Lopez's "On the Floor."
Does He Know What "The Shocker" Is? His first single was called "Culo." You figure it out.
Appropriate Controlled Substance(s) for Pre-Show Raging? Sixpack of Bud Light and a Cohiba.
Can I Wear My Affliction T-Shirt? Maybe you could mix in some Ed Hardy.
Will There Be Chicks There? Yep. My high-school friends will be so happy to hear bald, schlubby guys are hot these days.
Will We Get into a Fight? Try handing out some pro-Castro literature.
Best Song(s) to Leave to Take a Dump? "I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)," "Feel This Moment."
Check Out the Show or Stay Home and Watch Catfish Kings? Push.