The Rocks Off Rodeo Concert Guide is our annual helpful(?) primer for those of you unsure about your HLSR music choices for the big event at Reliant Stadium.
Date: March 8
Name: Tim McGraw
AKA: "Mr. Faith Hill."
What Kind of Music Is It? Blockbuster country.
Have I Heard Any of His Songs? Have you not heard any of his songs? "I Like It, I Love It?" "Live Like You Were Dying?" "Don't Take The Girl?" The man could practically have his own Sirius/XM station.
Does He Know What "The Shocker" Is? Faith doesn't strike me as the kind of woman who'd put up with that shit.
Appropriate Controlled Substance(s) for Pre-Show Raging? Budweiser, the King of Beers.
Can I Wear My Affliction T-Shirt? It won't score you any points, but sure. Speaking of that...
Will There Be Chicks There? You have no idea, brah. Ladies love cool Tim, but unless you can rock a two-sizes-too-small denim shirt and a black straw hat, don't bother.
Will We Get into a Fight? Laughing out loud during "Don't Take the Girl" would be properly antagonistic.
Best Song(s) to Leave to Take a Dump? "It's Your Love," "Live Like You Were Dying" -- seriously, can we talk about this song for a second? If you really "lived like you were dying," your life would be nothing but an endless series of felonies punctuated by periods of narcotics-induced unconsciousness. Or maybe that's just us.
Check Out the Show or Stay Home and Watch Archer? McGraw comes strong. Archer can wait, and your authority is not recognized in Ft. Kickass anyway.