The Rocks Off Rodeo Concert Guide is our annual helpful(?) primer for those of you unsure about your HLSR music choices for the big event at Reliant Stadium.
Date: March 1
Name: Mary J. Blige
AKA: "Damn, we sure have a lot of white men on the concert calendar this year."
What Kind of Music Is It? R&B, hip hop, soul, gospel...pretty much any damn thing she wants.
Have I Heard Any of Her Songs? Maybe "Family Affair?" "Not Gon' Cry?" I hope you're not thinking of that Bad Boys II song. That movie sucked.
Does She Know What "The Shocker" Is? Why don't you ask her? The paramedics will probably be very entertained when they have to remove your own hand from your ass.
Appropriate Controlled Substance(s) for Pre-Show Raging? Courvoisier. Or maybe one of those delicious Disaronno on the rocks we've been hearing about.
Can I Wear My Affliction T-Shirt? Sure. Hopefully it'll be cold enough that you'll have to wear a jacket over it.
Will There Be Chicks There? See the "Shocker" question.
Will We Get into a Fight? Will you even be able to muster your bro strength after listening to the magic of "Be Without You?" We doubt it.
Best Song(s) to Leave to Take a Dump? Hold it in, brah. Blige is good stuff, and the ladies will be impressed you paid attention the whole time.
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Check Out the Show or Stay Home and Watch Family Guy? Considering this is one of the few nights that doesn't feature white dudes singing, you should probably see the show.