The Rocks Off Rodeo Concert Guide is our annual helpful(?) primer for those of you unsure about your HLSR music choices for the big event at Reliant Stadium.
Date: March 4
AKA: "I guess the Monsters of Rock cruise didn't require their assistance this year."
What Kind of Music Is It? Chardonnay rock.
Have I Heard Any of Their Songs? Without a doubt, provided you've listened to classic-rock radio at least once in the last 30 years.
Do They Know What "The Shocker" Is? They probably think it's Alice Cooper-related. That guy is crazy.
Appropriate Controlled Substance(s) for Pre-Show Raging? Franzia white zin and Prilosec
Can I Wear My Affliction T-Shirt? Sure. For once, you may be the hardest motherfucker there.
Will There Be Chicks There? For sure. Hope you like your meat well seasoned.
Will We Get into a Fight? Why would you want to? If you're determined to throw down, try yelling "Where's Dennis?!" at Tommy Shaw as often as possible.
Best Song(s) to Leave to Take a Dump? "Don't Let It End," "Can't Stop Rockin'" (which is apparently a real song and not a Simpsons-related gag).
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Check Out the Show or Stay Home and Watch Workaholics? Stay home. Blake Henderson looks like he should be in the band, anyway.