The Rocks Off Rodeo Concert Guide is our annual helpful(?) primer for those of you unsure about your HLSR music choices for the big event at Reliant Stadium.
Date: February 27
Name: Alan Jackson
A.K.A.: "As seen in Cracker Barrel."
What Kind of Music Is It? Country Muzak
Have I Heard Any of His Songs? "Chattahoochee," "It's Five O'Clock Somewhere," "Good Time" and the not-at-all shamelessly manipulative "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)."
Does He Know What "The Shocker" Is? It's possible he became acquainted during his well-publicized infidelities.
Appropriate Controlled Substance(s) for Pre-Show Raging? Metamucil.
Can I Wear My Affliction T-Shirt? Only if you accompany it with a stylish white Stetson.
Will There Be Chicks There? Some. Just make sure they aren't Jackson's daughters. We hear the real reason bin Laden was killed was that he sent several inappropriate texts to Mattie Denise.
Will We Get into a Fight? Aim for the guy in the Garth Brooks shirt.
Best Song(s) to Leave to Take a Dump? "Summertime Blues," "I'll Go On Loving You."
Check Out the Show or Stay Home and Watch Tommy Boy? We don't know, bro. Jackson's played the Rodeo 20 times and will probably keep playing into his sixties. Then again, Tommy Boy is on cable an average of once every 13 minutes.