108 Stitches

Roger Clemens will probably never make it into the Hall of Fame, and his brief appearance in 108 Stitches is rather unlikely to restore him to glory. Adhering to a game plan established too many seasons (and movies) ago, David Rountree's unfunny comedy tells of a college baseball team that hasn't had a winning season (much less turned a profit) in decades. Naturally, the university's evil president wants to tear down the stadium in favor of a new convention center named after herself. The team in question -- a ragtag band of lovable misfits led by a cocky antihero, as it's gone without saying since at least The Bad News Bears -- must thus come together to sell out the at-risk stadium and save their very program.

The problem with this scenario is that our protagonist and most of his asshole teammates prove no more worth rooting for than the one-dimensional villain they're up against. Said she-devil is clearly meant to recall the soulless owner of the Cleveland Indians in Major League, but 108 Stitches isn't even in the same league as Major League: Back to the Minors. Its utterly predictable narrative and lazy sexism make for a toxic combination, but at least you won't have to feel bad about laughing anyway.