Why Are You Hoarding Toilet Paper? We Want to Know.

Photo by Mike Mozart
Get it while it lasts!
The coronavirus is essentially holding the entire world hostage. Trips are being canceled. Markets are crashing. People are dying. Cats and dogs living together...mass hysteria intense concern. And we have no desire to downplay the impacts of the coronavirus or underplay the need for safety and good hygiene. We practice it ourselves.

But, why, for the love of all that is holy, are you people hoarding toilet paper?

Look, we understand when we went into an Auto Zone last week to buy windshield wipers and saw the big sign on the door that said "Out of Masks" we knew things were getting a little panicky, but at least that was some measure of protection against infection even if now hospitals are running short thanks to your over consumption. But, toilet paper? Seriously?

Across the country and the world, toilet paper and bottled water are flying off the shelves. The bottled water we can almost understand even if this doesn't feel like a zombie apocalypse or some sort of Sharknado situation. Toilet paper, however, makes zero sense.

First, this is not an intestinal virus. Yes, some people do get those symptoms, but they are far more rare than the standard fever, aches, chills, etc. So, the chances you'll need 500 rolls of toilet paper during this time of disease are probably pretty slim.

Second, yes it is tissue, but there aren't shortages of Kleenex, just TP. So, there isn't the "well, what if I need to blow my nose approximately 22,000 times?" excuse to fall back on.

Finally, let's say for the moment you are new to doomsday prepping and you feel like this is a pandemic that will wipe out much of humanity. You're, you know, getting prepared. If that is the case, don't you think things like gasoline, batteries, generators, maybe those nasty freeze dried food rations, might be higher on the list than rolls of Charmin?

What are you guys doing? It's like someone told you there was a quarantine coming and your first thought was, "I'm not getting stuck at home without plenty of bathroom wiping material." Is that really how you think?

We understand the need for prioritizing sanitary conditions during this time of crisis. We think it's crazy to constantly Purell your entire body and those of your loved ones, but, hey, that's your journey. And we wash our hands with greater frequency these days. So, we get it to a degree.

We seriously do not get the need for warehouses full of toilet paper, but I guess if we run short, now we'll know who to call.