Film and TV

Idol Beat: Another Wonder Bread Finale

In addition to going on the Idol tour, one of the "perks," if you want to call it that, of making it to the Top 13 or whatever is that you get to come back and sit in the audience during the final selection. I only point this out because of the numerous shots of the now gone and forgotten (oh Stefano, can you ever forgive us?) attempting to convince us it wasn't torture to sit there and watch someone else grab all the glory.

And "final selection" was probably a poor choice of words.

To no one's surprise - except possibly hers - Haley Reinhart was voted off last night. Hey, 95 million voters can't be wrong... even if it's actually 2 million voters voting 47 times apiece, or one voter sending 95 million texts. Whatever, Ryan Seacrest says it's an impressive number, and we better believe him. He's a TV producer, after all.

So once again, we are assured of our a choice between two boring, lily-white finalists. Insomniacs, set your DVRs for next Tuesday and Wednesday, you'll sleep like the dead.

One of the benefits of making it to the final four - this season, at least - is getting to see preview footage of J.J. Abrams' Super 8. They also got their own Super 8 cameras. Neat. Maybe they'll go by my uncle Mark's house later and he'll let them play the Grease soundtrack on his 8-track, too.

Elle Fanning's six-year old cousin's favorite is Scotty. There's your demographic, kid. Too bad they don't buy concert tickets. And if you don't think live television is fun, rewind that particular scene and watch Casey and Paul snicker at this revelation. Maybe Garner, N.C.'s favorite son can open for the Wiggles.

This is the week the contestants visit their hometowns. So for the bulk of the next 40 minutes, it's screaming crowds (really?), police escorts (really?), and a surprise appearance by Josh "Your Man" Turner (...okay, that actually makes sense). A member of the Georgia House of Representatives even came out to recognize "Lauren Alaina Day."

The rest of the state's citizens will be happy to hear it, as I'm sure there were no pressing budget issues.

Ford commercial. Aaand... Kif.

I don't know Il Volo, but I liked Idol throwing some Italian language action in there. That said, the producers should vet their selections a little better. It can't be great for contestant morale when the largely unknown guest performers are, to a one, better singers than any of the final three.

This being the almost final show, we won't get any discussion of the top or bottom vote getters. Instead, here's a performance by Nicole Scherzinger (of Pussycat Dolls fame), with special guest 50 Cent. Hey, why the fuck doesn't he have to wear a bustier and heels? The guy probably made $500K for a 45-second appearance. Make him earn it, for christ's sake.

Finally, the visit footage and performances were over. A dignified Seacrest announces... sigh ...Scotty is in the finals. And so is Lauren.

Haley looks pissed. Can't say as I blame her. Just about everyone Scotty was voted over to this point should be lined up like the passengers in Airplane! to beat up the freakout lady.

Tune in next week to see Scotty win the whole shebang. I will be uploading a video of myself vomiting into a University of North Carolina baseball cap to commemorate the occasion.

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