Classic Rock Corner

ZZ Top Sucks. There, I Said It.

Today ZZ Top is releasing their 15th studio album and first in nine years, LA FUTURA. By all accounts is it much-anticipated. But I'm going to out myself here and now: I do not get why people love ZZ Top. If you are one of those people, can you explain it to me like I'm five years old?

Chances are you are one of those people. According to various online sources, the band has sold more than 50 million albums in their 43 years together. They're in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. In the mid-1980s pretty much every dude I knew wanted to be just like them. One of their most-famous songs was riffed on in a pantyhose commercial, for the love of Marvin Zindler.

And their popularity is not just a Texan thing. A few years ago I was visiting my sister in Prague and doing some sightseeing. I met a very nice older man who was walking his dog. He asked me where I was from and I said Texas. His face immediately lit up and he said "Zed Zed Top!"

Yes, dude, Zed Zed Top. That is what our fine state is exporting to former Communist nations. (It's better than the people in Korea who would respond to the Texas question by saying "George Bush" and making a sour face.) I played along because I didn't have the heart to tell him I think the band is the worst kind of schlock-rock around.