Country Music

The Beaumonts Love the Lord, Just Not Nashville Autotune Pop Cowboys

Troy Wayne Delco, fearless leader of the Beaumonts, is not your average alt-country fool. Or tool.

No, Mr. Delco is an extraordinary alt-country fool, a buffoon of Country Dick Montana stature, a bard of Mojo Nixonesque talent careening about as far into the bar ditch as he can take his band of slackers and ne-er-do-wells ("we're very serious about our mediocrity") in hopes of pissing off large portions of the population or shaking something up.

Rocks Off recently played the Beaumonts' new Saustex Media release Where Do You Want It? for a local disc jockey, who immediately professed to "love" the album but informed us that it would not be possible to air any of the songs on radio. Oh darn.

Just when we thought the world was ready for a song like "Toby Keith (Is the Ugliest Woman That I Think I've Ever Seen)" or a lyric like "If you don't love the Lord, you're fuckin' fucked." Maybe in the next century.

We caught up with Delco at his day job at a screen print shop in Manchaca.

Rocks Off: You've taken comedic shots at Toby Keith and religion and about anything else that's crossed your path. Where do you see this songwriting trend going?

Troy Wayne Delco: There's so much suckage, such a plethora of targets, it's hard to say what we'll jump on next. It's pretty easy to slam on these Autotune pop cowboys from Nashville with their shitty fake Lynyrd Skynyrd lyrics, but that's like low-hangin' fruit. And all this stupid Texas music and Red Dirt crap, jeez. But let's face it, there's so much stuff out there worth making fun of or bitching about, I'm sure we'll come up with something interesting and fun. At least to us.

RO: So do you actually listen to mainstream country music?

TWD: We were out in San Angelo a month ago and we were sitting around the motel really stoned and they had CMT on the cable. That Blake Shelton song, the one that says "chew tobacco, chew," came on. I had to grab a beer and hide under the covers.

RO: You really stuck it to poor Toby.

TWD [laughs]: Like I said, such an easy target.

HP: I read you guys were actually hoping he'd hear it and send you a cease and desist letter, make a big fuss.

TWD: I think Jeff Smith [lead singer of Hickoids/head of Saustex Media] gave Toby's road manager a copy. I guess we either don't matter -- highly likely -- or Toby's smart enough not to even call attention to it. Whatever. Either way, it was a fun thing to write and it's not like fans of the Nashville mainstream are flocking to our shows or buying our record.

RO: Seems like Pat Robertson and some of his ilk aren't likely to be big fans of "If You Don't Love the Lord" either.

TWD: I don't see why. We've got essentially the same message: If you don't love the Lord, you're fucked. Isn't that what all the TV preachers preach? I don't see a problem here. I just don't have the sophisticated vocabulary that guys like Pat Robertson have.

RO: The Hickoids have been known to take things to excess. Will the Hickoids spoil the party Saturday night?

TWD: They are my heroes, they can do no wrong. I act like a kid when I'm around them. For me, it's worth the price of gas and time to just come to Rudyard's in Houston and have a hamburger and watch those guys work. I never get tired of them, there's always something newer and stupider.