Such was the case last Saturday in College Station, and before it was all over, one unidentified man had twisted the Aggie class ring off the finger of another unidentified man and then flung that ring into a field.
He might as well have bitten off the man's nose, so seriously do Aggie's take their rings.
Seriously? Poems about class rings?
For those to lazy to click the link, the narrator of "Aggie Rings" meets an old man named Jack who has a worn brassy ring on his finger. They get talking and Jack tells him he's from the class of '38 and smiles his "Aggie smile." Jack relates the tale of his Aggieland mentor, the fellow student / shaman who shepherded him through all the lore, hoodoo and arcana of the Lone Star State's one true homegrown religion.
This being an Aggie Pome, you know there's gonna be some shootin', and sure enough, Jack's not-walking-on-the-grass sensei gets mowed down in a Nazi fusillade on Omaha Beach.
And now the poem reaches its emotional crescendo, as Jack, no doubt as a single manly tear streaming down his careworn face, orates the following:
This ring is my tribute and my pride,
In those Aggies who went before me,
And most of whom have died.
I wear it for those who cannot.
I wear it for those who would.
And I wear it too for kids like you,
Who know they really should.
So yeah, the guy who took that dude's ring really committed a cardinal
sin. Unfortunately for 19-year-old Thomas Slauter and Slauter's mom, he
would be fingered for the ring-flingin'. And though he would be
exonerated before the week was out, his widowed mom might still be out
Picked up in the aftermath of the brawl, Slauter's case soon came before a Brazos County Justice of the Peace named George Boyett. And it fell to Boyett to set Slauter's bond. Boyett pondered the gravity of the case and decided that this surely was one of the more heinous deeds committed in his jurisdiction in recent memory. He decided that his bond should be $50,000.
"It makes us look like an Aggie joke," said Craig Greaves, Slauter's attorney. "Someone throws an Aggie ring and gets a $50,000 bond."
For a little context, a Bryan TV station combed through recent courthouse records and determined that no other bond for the same charge (theft) was more than $8,000. The station also found cases of sexual assault of a child and assault with a deadly weapon with bonds lower than Slauter's $50,000.
"I guess he should have turned around and shot the kid because he would have had a lesser bond," said Greaves.
By midweek, the district attorney announced that they were dropping charges. The guy who lost the ring said he had misidentified Slauter, located the real perpetrator, and found his ring.
The real perp would not be charged with a crime, because the ring-bearer didn't want to press charges and the DA asserted that no theft had taken place anyway, as throwing a ring into a field does not rise to the level of attempting to deprive someone of their property forever.
Unfortunately, Slauter's mom might just be out of $5,000 forever, because thanks to that ridiculously high bond, that was what it cost to spring her son from the pokey. And the payment was non-refundable.
Mercifully, the guy who tossed the ring has manned up and said he will make Slauter's mom whole. At any rate, let's hope calmer heads prevail before anyone lets Aggie frats drink together.