Oh, Dallas.
I respect you as a city, your hold on your (deceased) J.R. Ewing and Dallas Cowboys — Dez Caught It! — and rather unique flair for being the bourgeois, snooty brother in that Texas music trinity Houston shares with that hippie we all visit once a goddamn year in March.
However, as much as I respect you for attempting to beat your chest and proclaim that you have a better hip-hop scene than Houston, allow big brother "swamp city covered in fog" (what are we, the fucking Blue Lagoon to you?) to knock some sense into you. You don't. You haven't. You're trolling in the best possible way: to elicit a response.
Your wave was all of nine months in 2007 when Big Tuck, Tum Tum and Dorrough (before he attached Music to his name) hit MTV. That's it. Oh, and boogie music with The Stanky Legg, The Rack Daddy, The Dougie and Flexing. You created some of the best club music of my early college years but I can't "Tussle" with the best of them anymore. Or throw up "Oak Cliff". Oh, and if you want to claim The D.O.C. then that's perfectly fine, because your most universal classic-rap record that people know nationally?
Came out almost 25 years ago.
Fine, you have Erykah Badu (who wouldn't want her?), and a guy by the name of Fat Pimp who we're quite fond of. You also have JT, Blue, the Misfit, Cashmir, Bobby Sessions, Tunk, A.Dd+ (who own the last really great Dallas rap album), -Topic, Sam Lao, Dustin Cavazos, the Cannabanoids, groups and artists whom we love and respect. However, this isn't JJ Watt getting held 94 percent of the game by the Cowboys and you wanting to gloat because Tony Romo evaded a sack, oh no. You don't exactly have eight real reasons to declare you're better than Houston, rap-wise. You barely, truly, have six, to be honest.
I could drop the mike right after this, "Our biggest rappers are Vanilla Ice and Justin Bieber's weed carrier, Lil Twist," but I respect you a little too much to not watch you completely nullify your own damn argument with Lil Twist.
But hold on, I have to be childish for a second.
[Runs outside] HOLY SHIT LIL TWIST IS THE BIGGEST RAPPER IN DALLAS?! DEAR GOD. HE [gasps for air for laughing so hard] HE DIDN'T EVEN GO WITH YUNG NATION. HE [falls on the floor like a child laughing hysterically] OH GOD, LIL TWIST.
Okay, let me compose myself and break this down like an adult. Ready? Ready.
Eclectic Set of Rappers? This was argument one. By definition of any lead argument, it's your crux argument. I've mentioned some of your acts that get love because they don't necessarily fit the mold of what Dallas should sound like. Matter of fact, you've left boogie music behind all together and for the most part your original "sound" borrowed bits from Swishahouse and the Screwed Up Click.
I digress. Your eclecticism doesn't stick soundly compared to artists like Tawn P, who could go gospel, could go R&B, but would rather rip your head off spitting bars. Or the fact we've found a way to have street rappers, club rappers, spacious rappers, and weed heads. We're the goddamn rap rainbow coalition over here.
Dr. Dre? I love JT. I think what he's doing with Dr. Dre is a pretty big damn deal and I commend you for it. I'd argue he's probably helping Dr. Dre patent another line of Beats By Dre but that would be shortchanging all that JT can do. Try this, you've heard of the Sauce Twinz, right? The two guys who got shouted out by Drake on Instagram and are set to blow up even more when the "Legited" remix drops? Exactly. BeatKing's Underground Cassette Tape Music was listed as one of the 30 best rap albums of the year by Rolling Stone.
Know the LAST DALLAS RAP ACT TO DO THAT? THAT'S RIGHT YOU DON'T CAUSE IT DOESN'T EXIST.
Vanilla Ice...Cool As Ice Cool As Ice has absolutely nothing on Slim Thug's upcoming Hogg Life documentary. Or the fact that Jason's Lyric was shot here. Or that Boyhood, yes Boyhood gives credit to the University of Houston and Minute Maid Park. So what if Richard Linklater doesn't have bars like Paul Wall, his Oscar is gonna shine like a disco ball. Claim Dallas Buyers Club if you want but guess what, it's setting is '80s Dallas. LOOK WHO'S LIVING IN THE PAST, D-TOWN.
Producers ... Better? You have S1, Play N Skillz, Cardo, Blue, the Misfit and a host of others. I've talked to some of them; their resumes back it up. Hell, I'd brush my teeth to "Power" every day if I wanted to. But ... there's also Travi$ Scott, Mr. Lee, Chris Rockaway, George Young, Trakksounds, Cy Fyre, Jett I. Masstyr, King Henry, Beanz N Kornbread, GL Productions, Donnie Houston, Mike Dean and others.
Plus, we have an entire producer competition, the Space City Beat Battle (Dallas folk have come here and participated, no lie) that cultivates new producers every other month. By the way, Charity E. Vaughn won the title this month. Does Dallas have a female producer of note? Yeah, we'll stop there.
Dallas Has Next...Year Allow me to drop a megaton bomb of talent from within Houston city limits that's gotten national acclaim within the past 24 months. Doughbeezy, Maxo Kream, Le$, the Sauce Twinz, BeatKing, Roosh Williams, Rob Gullatte, OneHunnidt, Propain, DeLorean, Boston George, Doeman. We've been spotlighted from NOISEY to Grantland to Rolling Stone. 'Nuff said.
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