We launched ourselves headfirst into the Internet to connect with maximalist DJ and producer Wolfgang Gartner to see what information we could extract from his electro-house highness in just 30, dance-filled seconds.
Rocks Off: What is worst song in the world?
Wolfgang Gartner: I don't wanna answer that. The artist might end up getting wind of it and it would be a big drama. But it was a dance single that was pretty big last year.
RO: What is the best lyric in the world?
WG: Notorious B.I.G., "The Ten Crack Commandments." The entire song is a lyrical masterpiece.
RO: Someone throws a beer bottle at you onstage. What do you do?
WG: Duck.
RO: Without worrying about space, time, or the laws of physics, what would be the ultimate gig to play?
WG: If there was a club within walking distance of my house. So I didn't have to travel. I'd definitely take a residency there.
RO: What would you buy with a million dollars?
WG: A million dollars ain't much these days. I think a more appropriate question would be what would I buy with 10 or 15 million dollars. Whenever that is a reality, I will probably turn my house into a sort of rainforest atmosphere, with rivers and waterfalls running through it, ponds with fish, and lush tropical plants, with glass floors and an underwater atmosphere with tropical fish.
RO: What would you buy with your last dollar?
WG: A watermelon ring-pop.
RO: If you could canonize another musician who would it be and of what would they be the patron saint?
WG: Patrice Rushen. She would be the patron saint of Fender Rhodes piano solos.
RO: What will be written on the plaque beneath the giant statue future generations erect in your honor?
WG: He's not George Clooney, but he made some damn fine dance music and was a good dude.
Wolfgang Gartner plays tonight at House of Blues.
