Pop Life

35 Acts to Loathe, In Five Words Or Less

Music is subjective. When you get right down to it, there's just no such thing as a "good" or "bad" musical performers. Except for these artists. These folks are terrible. And to make all this hatred easier to digest, we've limited ourselves to five words or less. Enjoy!

Pitbull: Vanilla rap for wealthy pre-teens
Soulja Boy Tell 'Em: You're a meme; go away
Iggy Azalea: Cultural appropriation in booty shorts
Fun.: Saccharine jingles for Apple nerds
Matty B Raps: Please ground him from YouTube
Dave Matthews Band: A jam band for lawyers
Ted Nugent: Your racist uncle plays guitar
Creed: Bro rock for date rapists
Nickelback: Creed, but somehow even worse
Walk the Moon: "Smartphone commercial" is a genre?
Phish: Solos both obvious and endless
Stone Temple Pilots: Plagiaristic nostalgia benefactors; wrongly canonized
KISS: Party rock for cool dads
Keith Urban: That's not country music, fucker
Luke Bryan: See Keith Urban
Florida Georgia Line: See Keith Urban & Luke Bryan
311: Still your frat's favorite band
Maroon 5: When 311 is too edgy
Ed Sheeran: I'm sorry, I dozed off
Bon Iver: Dang it, dozed off again
Pentatonix: Just stop with this crap
Diplo: Attitude sucks, music is worse
deadmau5: See Diplo; add gimmicky bullshit
Lil Wayne: Disappear, you talentless fucking gnome
Nicki Minaj: Like everything but the music
Chris Brown: Shitty babyman, shittier performer, vanish
Miley Cyrus: Overproduced rebellion for pothead millionaires
The Flaming Lips: Pink Floyd for trust-fund babies
Stevie Ray Vaughan: Watered-down B.B. King
John Mayer: Watered-down Stevie Ray Vaughan
Robin Thicke: She was right to leave
Lenny Kravitz: Lite rock for insufferable fashionistas
Michael Buble: If Donald Trump sang jazz
Carlos Santana: What bong water sounds like
The Eagles: Rock began dying with them


The Sex Pistols
The Grateful Dead
Van Halen
Destiny's Child