Assassin's Creed

The Assassin's Creed video games are about skipping through tedious cut scenes set in the present so that you can vault into the past, through and over gorgeous recreations of the roofs and streets of medieval and Renaissance cities. Sometimes you chase floating feathers through Florence. Often, you'll sneak behind and murder the wicked. And every time you're tasked with trailing a mark through a marketplace, you will accidentally climb a trellis for no reason.

The Assassin's Creed movie is about all the parts you might skip in the games. It's set in the now, is as grim as a break room around layoff time and foregrounds an absurd Da Vinci Code plot about the secret order of Templars battling a guild of assassins over millennia. The prize both groups seek: the Apple of Eden, which is reputed to contain the seed -- or, bafflingly, "the DNA" -- of humanity's free will. In the games, you can ignore this stuff for long stretches, instead bounding about fancy-free, checking out vistas and sprinting across basilicas and castle walls. Don't expect feather-chasing or nimble Douglas Fairbanks derring-do from the movie. Instead, steel yourself for baffling apple monologues in the grayscale offices of an evil tech company, many bloodless PG-13 throat-slashings and lots of soaring CGI shots of old-world cityscapes so choked with mists that they look like parts of a game level you haven't yet unlocked.

Credits

Director:

  • Justin Kurzel

Cast:

  • Michael Fassbender
  • Marion Cotillard
  • Jeremy Irons
  • Brendan Gleeson
  • Khalid Abdalla
  • Michael K. Williams
  • Charlotte Rampling

Writers:

  • Bill Collage
  • Adam Cooper
  • Michael Lesslie

Producers:

  • Arnon Milchan
  • Frank Marshall
  • Michael Fassbender
  • Conor McCaughan
  • Pat Crowley

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