The Phantom of the Opera

Joel Schumacher's chaotic, often ill-sung movie version of the enduring Andrew Lloyd Webber hit runs two hours and 20 minutes and plays like 10 days in the county jail. As the scarfaced monster/genius in the cellar, Scotsman Gerard Butler is as uncharismatic as he is unmusical, and it's painfully apparent that Schumacher (Falling Down, The Client) has never made a musical: Seduced by scale and baffled by the logistics of staging, he gallops from one clanging, lavishly costumed setpiece to the next without heed to character development, visual logic, or dramatic pacing. The editing is so bad, you feel like you're watching a dozen movies at once. The ethereal 19-year-old soprano Emmy Rossum (Mystic River) does her level best as the troubled operatic understudy Christine, but you'll love Minnie Driver's screeching diva, La Carlotta -- assuming they've let you out of the lockup ward on a day pass. Where's Lon Chaney when we need him? With Angels in America star Patrick Wilson as the Count of Chagny, Christine's other boyfriend.