Yoga Hosers stands as the second in Kevin Smith's promised (threatened?) "True North" trilogy of movies set in Canada for no apparent reason other than that he appears to find the accents hilarious. (The first was the walrus-themed horror film Tusk.) Lily-Rose Depp and Smith's daughter Harley Quinn play the hosers, both named Colleen. The pair works at the "Eh-2-Zed" convenience store when not holding band practice or peering obsessively into their smartphones. What might sound like fairly typical teen-movie fare eventually morphs into something more sinister involving Canadian Nazis, mutant sodomizing bratwursts and the return of Tusk's Quebecois man-hunter Guy Lapointe (Johnny Depp).
Depp, nearly unrecognizable under bushy eyebrows and a beret (of course), and almost unintelligible thanks to a Monty Python–esque French accent, serves to move along what there is of the plot. The film meanders for nearly half its scant running time before getting to something resembling conflict. Along the way, there's an entirely unnecessary subplot involving high school Satanists and interludes with Justin Long playing a yoga guru named "Yogi Bayer" (yes). And then there are the Canadian jokes.
Then again, "jokes" implies something entertainingly humorous rather than Yoga Hosers' death by a thousand "aboots." There are even two minutes over the end credits of Smith and co-host Scott Mosier's "Smodcast" of the two men cracking each other up over their Canuck impressions. This is probably the most honest part of the film, because at its core, Yoga Hosers isn't a movie: It's a podcast riff given material form; a bong rip visualized; an SCTV sketch devoid of laughs.