4. "Bubble Butt," Major Lazer feat. Tyga, Bruno Mars, 2Chainz & Mystic Fools. That's all that can be said about this. Or, perhaps #fools, if you want to take will.i.am's lead.

3. "The Fox," Ylvis Y'all, this was meant as a joke, not just as a really bad pop song like the rest of this shit, and now it's on the radio all the time. It's literally making fun of you for taking it seriously. Stop blaring it with the windows down like it's supposed to be an insightful piece of art. You're all to blame for this one.

2. "Timber," Pitbull featuring Ke$ha This song never needed to exist, but since it does, it totally has to be some sort of joke. What's with the barn dancing noise in the background? Is it because Ke$ha sings like she should be drawn as a cartoon rooster? Is it because Pitbull is so country? And why is anyone yelling fucking "timber" in a song with Pitbull and Ke$ha? I'm kind of afraid to ask.

1. "Work, Bitch," Britney Spears If my 11-year-old daughter, who loooooves pop music, says that a song is awful, chances are good it's the pinnacle of garbage. This song sounds like a weird faux-British commercial for that weight-loss crap from Trimspa Anna Nicole Smith was hawking for a while. Only with a "big beat disaster" behind it. It doesn't work, bitch.

"You wanna hot body? You wanna Bugatti? You wanna Maserati? You better work, bitch." God. Damn. I'm not sure a more vapid, soulless song could exist. Throwing on that strange accent only enhances the joke-like qualities of this one. Not everything Madonna did should be mimicked by her pop-star successors, you know.

Also, can someone please enlighten me on what she says about "call me the bubbler?" It's confusing, and I'm guessing it's not that she wants to be known as a Midwestern slang term for a water fountain, although nothing would surprise me at this point.

ROCKS OFF'S GREATEST HITS

The Ask Willie D Archives Top 10 Bars, Clubs & Ice Houses On the West Side Houston's Top 10 Bro Bars, Clubs & Ice Houses The Five Most Insane Bands to See Live Right Now