11 Songs You Shouldn't Sing At The Office Holiday Party

'Tis the season for office Christmas holiday parties. No doubt you have already had yours at work, or are getting ready for one. They all include copious drinking, great food, stolen glances, slurry conversations, "Can ah bum ah cigarette?" and intentional accidental groping.

No bonus this year? It all went into cleaning the carpets at the party after "someone" had too many margaritas.

Karaoke is a big hit at these holiday parties. It brings out the diva in the wallflowers, and the sweat and cringing in all the rest of us. For some reason it also turns the nerdiest guys in the office rock stars. We've all been there, hanging from a rafter, shirtless, singing "Candle In the Wind" on what we will later say was a dare.

This weekend is the big Houston Press office Christmas holiday party. If anything fun happens, we will let you know. Don't worry about the Rocks Off team, we have some tricks up our sleeves.

Hint: FAYGO.

"Tears In Heaven," Eric Clapton

Hey man, some of us are trying to hit on chicks in other departments, not think about dead kids in heaven. Sing "Cocaine" instead. Ahh yeah!

"Daddy's Hands," Holly Dunn

You shouldn't be at a Christmas party.

"Pussy Control," Prince

As much as you think this will go over, women at parties don't want to think about young prostitutes selling the fun house on the street. But ultimately it's about perseverance, so we're torn.

"Patches," Clarence Carter

Because rich people want to think about poor people at a Christmas party. Good call. We would just be kind of stoked that a karaoke catalog had this in it anyway. Try Carter's "Strokin'" or "Back Door Santa" instead. Trust us.

"Let's Get Retarded," Black Eyed Peas

What kind of Nazi karaoke company did your employer hire?

"Baby Got Back" Sir Mix-A-Lot

Spring Break '92. You really suck. Sit back down, Romeo. She graduated the same week your daughter graduated high school. Ain't gonna happen.

"You Oughta Know," Alanis Morissette

Hey sugar, be a dollface and sing some Katy Perry. Can you get me another drink when you're done?

"With Or Without You," U2

Why? Because you will overdo the Irish accent and sound like a cast member from Angela's Ashes.

"Bodies," Drowning Pool

There's a reason two cops escorted you out of the office the day your previous job fired you.

"Father Figure," George Michael

Especially creepy if the head boss sings this around his female underlings. Women love being kicked down to size at the holidays. Look at Mary, she was just the chick who was carrying Jesus in her belly. You don't see her face on any murals or books or anything.

"I Will Always Love You," Whitney Houston

You may always love her/him, but she/he is too busy hitting on your friend/spouse to care/listen.



Cool, if there are MILF's there...

Vanilla Ice

Irony is a dead scene.


You don't have the balls or the flash, and you will quit before the song is over.


We saw this once. Guy really thought it would make him look sensitive.

Guns 'N Roses

Disclaimer: Only girls should sing GN'R, and they should only sing "Paradise City".

Pearl Jam

Jurrrrrreaahhhhmehhhh harrrr spooohkinnnn...

Michael Jackson

He's dead. We get it.

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