Rocks Off hitched a ride on a space whale in order to hook up with Andy Bothwell, also known as Astronautalis to see what we could learn about our biggest hope for rap in 30 seconds.
Rocks Off: What is the worst song in the world?
Astronautalis: "Love in an Elevator" by Aerosmith. I mean... can a song get anymore stupid?! Actually, any song by Aerosmith... they are the Applebee's of rock bands.
RO: What is the best lyric in the world?
A: "Most of my fantasies are of making someone else come" from "To Be of Use" by Smog. I can't think of a more concise and elegant way to sum up desperation... it is perfect.
RO: Someone throws a beer bottle at you onstage. What do you do?
A: Duck. Stop the band. Step down into the crowd. Find said bottle thrower and launch into an astoundingly long and insulting freestyle about the fuck. I am a pretty cheery guy, but I have a serious goddamn temper on me. This has actually happened before.
RO: Without worrying about space, time, or the laws of physics, what would be the ultimate gig to play?
A: Opening up for The Clash on their first American tour. Playing on that bill, playing the Palladium in NYC in the early 80s? The energy in those crowds had to be astounding. Plus, the actual opening act was Bo Diddley... I think I would fit in nicely between those two sets.
RO: What would you buy with a million dollars?
A: Psh! Easy. Several hundred acres in the Texas hill country to turn into a giant demolition derby course where all of my friends could drive Mad Max'd cars that have American Gladiator style tennis ball cannons mounted on rotating turrets in the roof. One driver and one gunner per car. 10 cars. Several cases of scotch. I mean... that's what everyone would buy, right?
RO: What would you buy with your last dollar?
A: Three dice. I'll keep the change for Cee-Lo. I am going to get that Texas car crash ranch come hell or high water, one dice game at a time.
RO: If you could canonize another musician, who would it be and of what would they be the patron saint?
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A: The Hold Steady already canonized St. Joe Strummer, so I think it is time Kris Kristofferson gets his halo. I think he would make a fitting patron for lost souls, gutter drunks, and relentless old bastards. I would happily build a shrine to him; I bet he'd look good in stained glass.
RO: What will the plaque beneath the giant statute future generations erect in your honor say?
A: No loitering.
Astronautalis plays Free Press Houston's Oktoberfest Jubilee Saturday at Fitzgerald's with the Eastern Sea, Energy, Muhammad Ali, Brent Nettles, Portal Walker, Craig Kinsey, Bang Bangz, The Mighty Orq, The Small Sounds, Generation Landslide, Rivers, and more.