Inquiring Minds

30 Seconds With Richard Cheese

Rocks Off sat down with Richard Cheese to see what we could learn about the man who turns all your favorite rap, metal, and rock songs into the lounge hits God intended them to be in 30 seconds.

Rocks Off: What is the worst song in the world?

Richard Cheese: I'd have to say the "Bank Of America Customer Service Phone On-Hold Music." It's awful. But even though I hate it, I've listened to it for hours and hours and hours.

RO: What is the best lyric in the world?

RC: Right now, I'm a big fan of the last verse of "Tighten Up" by The Black Keys:

Living just to keep going Going just to be sane All the while I know it Such a shame.

This is one of the great love song standards, right up there with "Here's That Rainy Day" and "In The Wee Small Hours of the Morning." Those cats are part of this wonderful new generation of saloon-song writers, just great words and music.

RO: Someone throws a beer bottle at you onstage. What do you do?

RC: I go outside and look at the marquee to see if I'm at the wrong venue, because our fans throw martini glasses.

RO: What would be the ultimate gig to play?

RC: Well, if there is no limit on time, space, or reality, I guess I'd like to do a nightly performance in Olivia Munn. A cappella.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner