Inquiring Minds

30 Seconds With Wolfgang Gartner

We launched ourselves headfirst into the Internet to connect with maximalist DJ and producer Wolfgang Gartner to see what information we could extract from his electro-house highness in just 30, dance-filled seconds.

Rocks Off: What is worst song in the world?

Wolfgang Gartner: I don't wanna answer that. The artist might end up getting wind of it and it would be a big drama. But it was a dance single that was pretty big last year.

RO: What is the best lyric in the world?

WG: Notorious B.I.G., "The Ten Crack Commandments." The entire song is a lyrical masterpiece.

RO: Someone throws a beer bottle at you onstage. What do you do?

WG: Duck.

RO: Without worrying about space, time, or the laws of physics, what would be the ultimate gig to play?

WG: If there was a club within walking distance of my house. So I didn't have to travel. I'd definitely take a residency there.

RO: What would you buy with a million dollars?

WG: A million dollars ain't much these days. I think a more appropriate question would be what would I buy with 10 or 15 million dollars. Whenever that is a reality, I will probably turn my house into a sort of rainforest atmosphere, with rivers and waterfalls running through it, ponds with fish, and lush tropical plants, with glass floors and an underwater atmosphere with tropical fish.

RO: What would you buy with your last dollar?

WG: A watermelon ring-pop.

RO: If you could canonize another musician who would it be and of what would they be the patron saint?

WG: Patrice Rushen. She would be the patron saint of Fender Rhodes piano solos.

RO: What will be written on the plaque beneath the giant statue future generations erect in your honor?

WG: He's not George Clooney, but he made some damn fine dance music and was a good dude.

Wolfgang Gartner plays tonight at House of Blues.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner