Keep Houston Press Free

35 Bands You Should Never, Ever Search On Google Images

Here at Rocks Off, we take our blog ideas where we can get them - even from mistakes. Allow us to explain.

About a month ago, we went to Rihanna at Toyota Center, and afterward stopped by Jet Lounge to see what was going on because we hadn't been there in a while. We wound up watching a few swampy ska-pop songs by local three-piece Alligator Assassins, who are now working on their second album, according to the band's Facebook page.

So when we got into the office that Monday, we wanted to find out more about Alligator Assassins, except we couldn't quite remember their name. Somehow Rocks Off had gotten in our heads that they were called Alligator Attack, and thus struck out searching for them online - but not before thinking, "I bet it would be really gnarly if we looked up 'Alligator Attack' on Google Images."

Jet GM Amber Chemam eventually gave us the Assassins' correct name, but by then it was too late. Rocks Off's brain was already hard at work coming up with the most visually unpleasant band names we could think of.

We're not kidding about that sign, y'all. Even without any visual representation besides how a couple of these groups have chosen to illustrate their recorded output - thankfully, we have no idea what a picture of an actual "Goatwhore" might look like - what follows is a list of some of the most disturbing, disgusting and just plain offensive band names in history.

Seriously, it's some pretty sick shit. Obviously, Rocks Off does not advise actually searching any of these names on Google Images; mostly what you'll get is a bunch of beefy tattooed dudes in dire need of a shower anyway. But the implication is enough. Animal lovers, religious people and those of you who haven't eaten lunch yet might want to go see what our sister blogs Eating Our Words and Art Attack are up to, or check out Hair Balls' buffet of Confederate-flag bikinis.

OK, you've been warned. Rocks off will tell you that every one of these is a real band name, or was at one point in time. Thanks to Steve Jansen for his suggestions (we think). Now proceed at your own risk.


Anal Cunt Dying Fetus Pregnant Fetus Puffy Areolas Peace Corpse Jerry Seinfeld's Atrophied Sac* Ani DiFranco's Dick Butt Trumpet Piston Ass Hammer Cockpunch Foot Foot Butthole Surfers Nashville Pussy

*Name often altered to lawsuit-dodging spellings such as Jheri Sighnfeldt's Atropheed Sak.


AIDS Wolf Rapeworm* Goatwhore

Houston's own.


Fag Cop Janis Joplin Crap 'N Vomit* Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza Fire Party Drunkdriver Graveyards Vegetable The Gories Corroded Napalm Death

* Changed name to JJCnV after receiving a cease-and-desist letter from the Joplin estate.


Christfucker Vaginal Jesus Crucifucks


Sister Fucker Child Pornography Dry Hump Child Abuse Nervous Virgins Secret Prostitutes* Sloppy Seconds

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Rocks Off hopes you have a lovely rest of the day.

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Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

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