The Breeders "Bang On" — Kim Deal would like you to know that she's lonely in the biblical sense, but wipe that smirk off your face — we don't mean it that way — and she's saying so in a lazy, bare-bones way. Sort of an alt-rock Peanuts comic strip yawn, I guess.
Mariah Carey "Touch My Body" — So Mariah's cool with the sentiments N.E.R.D. expressed on "Tape You," but post her doin'-the-do on YouTube and she'll "hunt you down." Since Mimi's like a full-grown sex kitten with a sixth-grader's mentality, that threat's just aw-shucks cute — and won't impede the continuing parade of XXX-rated fantasies her videos and pictorials encourage. Purists hate, rightfully, because Carey doesn't explore her usual upper-upper register range; any number of other songbirds could've swung this.
Lupe Fiasco "Go Baby" — Hip-hop's second-most-famous skate-rat tosses a hearty "you go, girl" anthem into a world overcongested with "do-me" for-the-ladies tracks, which is (a) dope if your dude kicks off your new mixtape with it and (b) dull-but-useful if you're the dude in question. I wish Lupe didn't sound so out-to-lunch here; it's like he laid down the vocals while signing autographs or something. Props for the dorked-out metaphor involving Maury Povich, though.
Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake and Timbaland "4 Minutes" — It clocks in at three minutes, nine seconds — not four minutes, capiche? Before I even downloaded this single, I knew it was a bad idea. I'm holding out for an expensive video where they're all dressed up as superheroes — maybe Wonder Woman, The Flash, and The Hulk? — trying to prevent Sean Bean from blowing up L.A. while throwing down in danceclubs. Highlight: Timbaland addressing Madge as "MaDONuh!"
Hannah Montana "East Northumberland High" — My youngest niece's favorite pop-star-cum-TV-personality gets all mean and succinct and tells some joker to step off because, like, they're not in high school anymore and she's grown up and realized he's a dillweed and stuff. But I don't hate it, you know? It's like phasers-set-to-cash-in Liz Phair-era Liz Phair that isn't trying to gross me out.