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8 Songs Guaranteed To Get Those Damn Relatives To Leave Already

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But if I really say it, the radio won't play it, Unless I lay it between the lines!

- Peter, Paul and Mary, "I Dig Rock and Roll Music"

We know, we know. It's late Christmas evening, you've had a few too many glasses of nog. That turkey is starting to take its toll, and yet you've still got a house full of breeder relatives, complete with their screaming ankle-biters tearing shit up with that new Big Wheel Santa brought them. If only you could get them to leave so you could start your week-long hibernation before the bender that is New Year's Eve weekend. But if you're anything like Rocks Off, you're the

passive aggressive

type, and asking those 'rents to leave nicely simply won't do. So how to get them out? A carefully-chosen playlist, that's how!

"Afternoon Delight," Starland Vocal Band

The vocal harmony sounds so sweet and innocent, until little Bobbly Sue asks Dad what that line about a fish nibblin' bait means.

"Live For Today," The Grass Roots

If this band's name isn't suggestive enough, the lyrics "Take it nice and easy," "Have pleasure while we can" and "I want to feel you deep inside of me" leave little to the imagination. Slow down, buddy, This ain't a race.

"Having My Baby," Paul Anka

"Now Rocks Off, you know that abortion laws aren't an appropriate topic of conversation at the dinner table."

"Walk on the Wild Side," Lou Reed

"I can't believe he uses the term 'colored girls.' How un-P.C.!"

"You Know I'm No Good," Amy Winehouse

"Mommy? What's a carpet burn?"

"Cold Turkey," John Lennon

It ain't about leftovers.

"Oops (Oh My)!" Tweet feat. Missy Elliot

It's time to stop being so subtle.

"Pussy Control," Prince

Right. When all else fails, that outta do it.

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Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.