Kill Us Now, Please

9 Musical Costumes Couples Should Avoid This Halloween

The other day, a friend of ours asked us for our opinion on some ideas for "couple costumes," as in Halloween, including Han Solo and Princess Leia. Ugh. Do you happy couples really start this early in September?

Rocks Off thinks we kind of understand the seriousness of the couple costume planning process, though. With all of the naughty nurses and scantily dressed school girls drinking vodka from Styrofoam cups, we'd want to make sure our man was unmistakably attached to us the whole night too.

If you choose to dress as a couple this Halloween, there are a few costumes you should do your best to avoid: No "ball and chain" getups or Sookie Stackhouse and that old vampire dude from True Blood. No more vampires, please.

And certainly no cliché musician couples. Below are nine ill-fated or way-too-obvious musical duos that we hope we don't see at any parties this year.

9. Donny and Marie Osmond

First of all, they're still brother and sister regardless of any rumors suggesting that they've had sex. Second of all, look at them. There's no way you can buy that much tooth from Halloween Express.

8. Johnny & June Carter Cash

To us, the late Cashes' love was eternal and the realest of real. You just can't live up to that, no matter how many picnics you've had together or how many photos you've taken together... or whatever it is you couples spend your time doing.

7. Ike & Tina Turner

This one goes without saying, right?

6. Sid Vicious & Nancy Spungen

We dig the Sex Pistols. A lot. We just have a slight problem with people romanticizing Sid and Nancy's tumultuous love affair. Their relationship was only two years long and it was pretty fucked up, from what we've learned. But what the hell? If you're going for the traditional '70s punk look for the night, they'd be a great couple to impersonate. Plus, you won't have to worry about wardrobe malfunctions or party fouls.

5. Danny Zuko & Sandy Olson

If you must go with Grease-themed Halloween costumes, at least pick the couple that was badass from the beginning: Rizzo and Kenickie.

4. The Blues Brothers

This isn't even acceptable if you're over 40.

3. George Michael & Andrew Ridgeley

Save Wham! for (last) Christmas. The duo is more suitable for Christmas-card pictures anyway. No need to thank us.

2. T.a.T.u.

Much thanks to our Twitter friend, Pedro, who reminded us of how incorrigible T.a.T.u was. The Russian duo released the song "All The Things She Said" in 2002, "shocking" everyone with some sexy girl-on-girl visuals in the music video. The problem is that they were, like, 14 and not actually same-sex-oriented. This might be a weird trend to revisit.

1. Simon & Garfunkel

During the duo's prime, Art Garfunkel did have the coolest hair, but unless you're going to a party where more than a few people will understand the reference, skip this idea.

Our Ideas for This Year: Birdman & Mannie Fresh of Big Tymers; Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers; Taylor & Zac from the Hanson brothers (no one ever wanted to be Isaac). What other obnoxious costumes for two have we left out?

Follow Rocks Off on Facebook and on Twitter at @HPRocksOff.

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Allison Wagoner