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Keep Houston Press Free
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A Horse With No Name: Livestock Songs Fit For The Glue Factory

At Rocks Off, there is no yin without yang, no Yahweh without Satan, and no Charles Barkley without Godzilla. And since we already presented you with an assortment of rockin' livestock songs (to get you in the mood for the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo), it's only fair that we offer a counterpoint. Here, then, are songs that will have you calling the glue factory hotline in no time.

Look dude, if you aren't cut out for "sodbustin'," we have a hard time believing your life is going to improve if you take off on a dead horse with your zombie girlfriend. Maybe you should move back East, open an apothecary, and leave the Plains to the Injuns.

America, "A Horse With No Name"

Often ridiculed for its banal lyrics ("The heat was hot?"), we now realize AHWNN provides the first concrete proof of global warming. After all, back in the '70s it apparently took two whole days to get a sunburn.

Alan Parsons Project, "Sirius" (aka the Chicago Bulls' theme song)

If you're not a regular viewer of WGN (or a fan of WestleMania), you may only know this as the song that leads in to "Eye in the Sky" (off the album of the same name). Every Rockets fan who got Michael Jordan and company shoved down their throats through most of the 1990s, however, hates this song with the fire of a thousand (non-Phoenix) suns.

Richard Shindell, "Get Up Clara"

"People generally like songs about mules."

No. No we don't. Stick to Robert Earl Keen covers.

Jefferson Airplane, "White Rabbit"

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We're never going to be able to move ahead as a society until we free ourselves of this unhealthy fixation on songs we've already heard a million times. Rocks Off is endlessly fascinated with people who continue to listen to "classic rock" stations that use the same playlist (with a little Pearl Jam thrown in) they've had since 1982. We have nothing against Jefferson Airplane specifically, but you've gotta start somewhere.

And that rabbit was an asshole.

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