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A Showcase of Inappropriately Dubbed Puppet Musicians

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I spend an unfortunately large amount of time on two activities. No. 1, I am paid under the table by the felt lobby to promote puppet music. No. 2, I have an irresistible compulsion to ruin children's entertainment.

It's not that I'm a bad person; it's that I'm a horrible person who must ruin all that is sweet and good.

Now we've gotten that out of the way, Rocks Off is proud to present you a combination of these two obsessions. Famous puppet bands often get their original soundtracks replaced with less child-friendly fare. You start out singing about numbers and triangles; you end up roaring the virtues of worshipping Satan.

So let's walk through the murky halls of YouTube to see what atrocities have been committed to our puppet friends' art.

Since most of us discover the joys of puppets on Sesame Street, that's where I'll begin. This list is heavily heavy metal, but Kanye West's "Monster" gets a superb delivery here at the hands of Kermit, Beaker and Cookie Monster. The best part is having Miss Piggy all leathered up in fetish gear taking the Nicki Minaj verse and screaming at a terrified-looking Tyra Banks.

The Rock-a-Fire Explosion isn't technically a puppet band, they are an animatronic band. They were featured in Showbiz Pizza restaurants performing songs, and their downfall is actually eerily like that of a real-life human rock band that ran afoul of their record label.

Showbiz was eventually phased out for Chuck E. Cheese's, and the bands were slowly dismantled or destroyed across the country. However, there remain a few still in existence. It's become quite popular to program them to play more modern songs. MGMT famously did so with their video for "Electric Feel."

Rock-a-Fire's very own inventor Aaron Fechter himself produced this version of Nine Inch Nails' "999,999 and 1,000,000," which appeared on the fan-produced DVD Another Version of the Truth available for free here.

My absolute favorite puppet band of all time is the Riverbottom Nightmare Band from Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas. They taught me the most important lesson I've ever learned in the music industry: Namely, that no matter how much you sacrifice for your art, how much heart you put into your music and how scrappy a survivor you are, some jerkwads with a flashy image and a douchebag rock-star attitude can come in at the last minute and take everything you've worked so hard to get away from you at a moment's notice.

That being said, I don't think they would've won if they'd played Discordance Axis's "Castration Rite" like they do in this video.

I like Jack's Big Music Show... and not just because I have a huge crush on Prudence the Musical Genie. The show teaches music and friendship to kids in a way that even Sesame Street doesn't really accomplish. Plus, Andrew Bird drops by occasionally as Dr. Strings, and that's always worth a moment of your time. Still, every kid moves from pop music to screaming about revolution at some point. Here's System of a Down with "Storaged."

And then there's good old Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem doing White Zombie's "More Human Than Human." Before you crank it at work, be aware that they're playing the version that has the Café Flesh sample of the porn moaning in it.

It actually works pretty well with the tied-up Janis getting ready to be a human sacrifice. It's been awhile since I watched The Muppet Show, but was ritual murder usually a part of it? Also, has anyone else ever noticed how much Zombie looks like Dr. Teeth? Enjoy.

Follow Rocks Off on Facebook and on Twitter at @HPRocksOff.

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