January 23: In her newest music video, Beyoncé is torn between rocking her old hair and her short bob, making it the most heartbreaking music video that's really about hair since Sinead O'Connor's cover of Prince's "Nothing Compares 2 U."

February 9: A week after the Super Bowl and being reaffirmed that her performance last year was one of the best of all time by a yelling Kanye West, Beyoncé hits the Grammy stage with her new do and then looks at Miley Cyrus in the audience. They have a twerking contest with the loser having to wear an elephant costume. Beyoncé wins.

February 10: Beyoncé apologizes to America for the twerking contest, saying Miley Cyrus "must not know 'bout me."

March 16: In another show of SXSW becoming the biggest money venture in music, Beyoncé closes out the festival while performing inside of the State Capitol. Freshly minted governor Wendy Davis joins her for a performance of "Bow Down" as Davis hits the Southside over the Texas GOP.

April 4: Jay Z and Beyoncé celebrate their anniversary by taking Blue Ivy to some location none of us have ever heard of on a map. Google Maps can't find it, nor can Encarta or Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego. Fox News is displeased.

May 22: After nearly eight months with her short hair, Beyoncé and her weave reconcile. Meanwhile, Rihanna is still uploading half naked photos of herself to her Instagram account.

May 27: Beyoncé, now with her hair back into place, waves and smiles for cameras as she details her entire short hair experience in a 90-minute documentary for HBO. It's the sequel to Life Is But a Dream but instead the film is titled, My Weave Got Snatched, Thanks For Everything Tina Knowles.

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