9:25 p.m.: Standing in line to pick up tickets with the photographer, Bun B happens to walk up right behind us. (The Bun B Law of Inevitability is infallible.) I turn around and tell him hello and that we've spoken on the time several times and met briefly backstage at the T-Pain concert. He pretends to remember who I am. Then I remark "Man, I see you everywhere I go." To which he responds, "I try to get out." Now, in my head, the way this works is I explain to him to the principles of The Bun B Law of Inevitability, he laughs, we make small talk about Haiti and Pat Robertson and become fast friends. Then, smitten by charm, he lets me do a verse on his next album. In my head, I'm super smooth. I'm Enrique Iglesias Jr. in "Hero." In real life though, I suck. So all is say back is "...yep" and then turn around. 9:30: The lights have gone off in here and the crowd, still a little then at the moment, begins to push in. Goodie Mob wanders out one by one towards the front of the stage to the Rocky theme. Nobody is dressed in fishnets, nor is anybody wearing a wig. Kinda disappointing. 9:35: Man, Cee-Lo is extra weird-looking in person. He looks just like Kuato from Total Recall. They're doing "Get Rich To This," which is kind of ironic since they're probably only doing this tour for the money. No matter. It's good to have them in town. 9:37: A polite enough gentleman is telling me how disappointed he is that Scarface didn't show up. As a consolation, I tell him how Bun B was just outside a few minutes ago, which means he'll be on stage sooner or later. "Cool," he says. "Did you talk to him?" Dammit. 9:42: Cee-Lo has taken off his overshirt. He is stalking around the stage in a black undershirt. If you were going to argue that Cee-Lo is not proportioned just like a midget, your whole case just got crushed. 9:49: You can not overstate how entertaining it is to watch a middle-aged white woman eagerly dance to rap music in a non-sexual way. It's amazing. It's like she's thinking in her head, "I know everyone is thinking I probably shouldn't be here, so let me much dance extra hard so everyone can see just how much I really love hip-hop. Hey, everyone, look how much I'm moving my shoulders up and down!" 9:52: They're doing "Liberation" now, probably one of Cee-Lo's best features. If Erykah Badu walks out on stage I am going to crap myself. 9:52:30: Badu's not here. They cut the volume off for Badu's part so the crowd could sing it, except only about four people in the audience actually know what she says. It's crazy quiet. Did not see that coming. 9:59: Have you ever caught just a small section of a conversation and been totally perplexed? That's what's just happened. Walking through the crowd towards the back of the room, this conversation is in swing:
Girl [in a very sassy tone]: I just know I'm gonna have me some fun. Guy [In a comforting tone]: Think about it like this, they'll all be dead in 12 years anyway.
What!? Who's going to die?! Are they aware of it?! How does he know it'll be in 12 years?! Did a group of people commit a heinous crime and then they all got sentenced to die on the same day?! How is that related to the sassy girl's fun? Is she the sister of a murder victim? This is going to bore a hole right through my brain. 10:03: This guy just wandered up. He is wearing a pale blue Adidas running shirt, a green visor turned backwards with the bill flipped upwards, a white head band underneath the visor, a pair of light blue jeans and those white leather club shoes all the 20-year-olds wear when they go to Hush. It's like he just walked off the set of Malibu's Most Wanted? Maybe he rode here with Overeager White Woman. 10:04: Cee-Lo is doing that terribly annoying "Crazy" song. 10:05: Savvi from H.I.S.D. is here. Or he's not. I'm not sure. Everyone medium-sized black guy in a blazer that also has twists I assume to be him. That's not racist, is it? 10:06: Big Gipp is doing everything he can to outshine Cee-Lo tonight. At the moment, he is breakdancing to Herbie Hancock's "Rockit." Score one for Gipp. 10:15: Gipp is now sitting in a chair in the middle of chair pretending like he's in a car. He talks about how he loves UGK and that when he's riding around it sounds like... and then "Murder" from UGK's Ridin' Dirty comes blaring on. Gipp slides through a few more Pimp C verses, culminating in "Int'l Players Anthem." Bun is onstage now. The growd goes yo-yo. Overeager White Woman is out of her brain right now. Her shoulders might come clean off the hinges. 10:17: Bun tears through Pimp C's verse on "One Day," one of the three greatest UGK songs of all time. It's not uncommon to see an artist do a guest feature on someone else's track and steal it from them (Z-Ro does this quite a bit; Luda and Eminem are famous for it too; Paul Wall never does it), but I don't think I've ever seen someone steal an entire concert. Crazy. Now, please excuse me while I get up off my knees and go wash my mouth out. 10:23: Holy guacamole. I just remembered Khujo that is missing the bottom half of one of his legs. I start scanning him like mad trying to catch a glimpse, but it looks totally normal. Not sure what I was expecting. Maybe a wooden peg like a pirate or something? 10:25: Is it okay to start a conversation with "Do you smoke?" and then as soon as the person you asked says no you end the conversation by turning your back to him? Maybe ask how I'm doing first? Am I enjoying the show? Are things in my life well? Dick. 10:48: Please excuse the big jump from the last time-stamp to this one. The guys have hit their stride over these last 20 minutes and are in full on arousal mode. They sampled bits of "Grills" by Nelly and Paul Wall after Gipp gave a very amusing story about how he likes girls that have gold teeth. Then they tapped Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" and Aerosmith's "Dream On" (which is an absolutely perfect song for Cee-Lo to karaoke) before hitting "Cell Therapy" (the song that says "Who's that peepin' in my window?") and "They Don't Dance No Mo."
It's a very strong set, and a proper ending to a solid, solid show. Of course, they do two more less famous songs before figuring out that they should've ended with something else. Still, good stuff.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
For more photos from the concert, check out our slideshow.