Aftermath: Mos Def at House of Blues

9:30 p.m.: Just walked in to see the place pretty well filled. Snoop is playing through the speaker system. If you walk into a venue and "Gin and Juice" is playing, you can take that as a sign that you're going to have a good time. Well, that or that a riot is going to break out at some point in the evening. Either way, you're a winner.

9:44 p.m.: Jay Electronica, who will forever be known as Erykah Badu's husband, just wandered out on stage. Some lady behind us very politely hollered "Who the fuck are you!?" Welcome to Houston, Jay.

9:45 p.m.: Erykah Badu's Husband makes mention about how he's got love for Houston because some of his people moved here after Katrina and were accepted with open arms. One time we saw a group of evacuees at Sharpstown Mall and, on account of their unruliness and weird accents, decided to through a nickel at them when they weren't looking in our direction. Clearly, he is not talking about us.

9:46 p.m.: Okay, Jay just addressed the crowd saying, "I'm not a jump around, get hype kind of guy. I'm just gonna rap and you all listen. Is that cool?" Great. This show should be really exciting. He pretty much just told us he's not going to be doing any kind of work at all. What other job can you get away with that? How about if you called a roofer and he came over and was like, "Yeah, I'm really not a get up on the roof and fix a leak type of guy. I'm just gonna sit on your couch and watch Maury Povich give DNA test results."

9:53 p.m.: Holy shit. Some crazy lady just breezed right past us, hopped up on stage, and then ran up to Jay and started bowing or something. Then she took the mic, started hollering something about Mos Def, gave Jay her necklace, and then popped off stage. Jay's response: "Houston be wild'n out." Funny.

10:08 p.m.: You know when rappers do that "Do my ladies run this mother fucker... do my niggas run this mother fucker" thing and the crowd hollers "Hell yeah" back at them? Are men allowed to respond too if they, in fact, are not black? We mean, we want to participate, but not so much that we're willing to risk getting punched in the head.

10:12 p.m.: Bun B just came rumbling out onstage. He's the coolest. He must have a cot in the back or something. He is at every show here.

10:22 p.m.: Jay's show is really lacking. He seems to be in total stall mode for the most part. Each song is followed by a couple of minutes of talking. Blah.

10:25 p.m.: If you're an ugly woman or just generally not likeable, you should grow your hair out real big. Seriously, when have you ever seen a woman with really big hair and not thought, "Man, she looks really interesting; I would like to know more about her"?

10:38 p.m.: Do people really go to the mall with the intent to purchase a black blazer with a big sparkly fleur de lis on the back? Like, that can't be a spontaneous purchase, right? There's no Black Blazer With Big Sparkly Fleur De Lis' On The Backs store. You have to hunt that shit down.

10:59 p.m.: In the bathroom, somebody wrote "Need beats?" on one of those toilet seat covers. That's gonna be a weird email for someone to send. "Hey, how are you? I saw your handwritten ad for beat production on a toilet seat cover at the House of Blues."

11:06 p.m.: Thought we saw local rapper Fat Tony walking around earlier so we shot him a text asking if that was him. He says it is, then asks who's asking. We tell him it's the Houston Press. He responds simply with "Rad." Who even says that anymore? How cool is Fat Tony?

11:08 p.m.: They've got this little waist high shelf/bench thing to the left of the main bar. Seeing as how it's going on hour eighteen since anyone has been on stage, we decide to sit down on it for a minute. A security guard comes up and tells us we have to get off. Wait, so sitting on a bench is unacceptable, but jumping up on stage and snatching the mic from a performer is totally cool? Okay, got it. Thanks.

11:13 p.m.: Finally. Curtains open up. Mos is playing some big bass drum and rat-a-tatting into the mic. You know how Dave Chappelle is funny no matter what he's doing? That's how Mos Def is with coolness. As soon as we saw him we immediately forgave him for making us wait an hour in between shows. Completely understandable to see how it is that he's fathered 37 kids from 32 different women. He's not even talking directly to us right now but we'd let him get us pregnant.

11:23 p.m.: Mos is mostly doing newer material. He's way better prepared than Jay, except for when he gets back on that damn drum.

11:31 p.m.: The only thing better than seeing two girls dance like whores with each other is seeing two girls dance like whores with each other while being completely ignored by everyone around them. It's the best. They try to one-up the whorishness but get no takers. Dummies. We can't wait to have a daughter.

11:44 p.m.: Somebody threw panties and a bra on stage. We didn't even know people really did that. Crazy.

11:49 p.m.: Two young white kids are dancing like mad. They're doing all the typical Young White Kids At A Rap Concert dance moves: the off rhythm shoulder raise, the too fast head shake, the bounce and sway. This is why we come to concerts. (Finding out about production companies in the restroom stalls is a close second though.)

12:05 p.m.: Mos is finally getting into his older stuff. Expectantly, the crowd goes bonkers for it. You know, we saw Mos in concert several years at Verizon and he absolutely tore the roof off the place. Tonight, the crowd seems disengaged. It's weird. Even still, he's one of the best rappers of all time, so we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Mos is the man. Go buy The Ecstatic. It's a badass album.

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Shea Serrano