11:40: Paul is crushing "Break 'Em Off," that wonky-sounding single from
Get Money, Stay True that featured Lil' Keke. It's a good song in the car, but it's a great song in person. Have you seen that video? It's funny. The best part of is how completely unattached Keke was in it. The only footage they have of him is him rapping his part in the booth while holding his notepad. Fuckin' Keke, man.
11:44: Nice. Wall just dialed up that flow he did over Erykah Badu's "Bag Lady." Old school Swishahouse will always be the best Swishahouse.
11:45: We almost forgot that Cham doesn't cuss. An example: He just rapped, "...if you a hot girl, if not girl, you can't be touching my hot spot, girl." That sounds weird, right?
Sadly, rap and cussing have become synonymous. Here, we'll run that line through the Explicit Rap Translator for you so you can understand it. [bleep, bloop, bleep, boop, boop, bleep] The results: "Bad bitches can grab my dick, ugly bitches hit the road quick." Bam. You're welcome.
11:49: Okay, an announcement: If you want to trick people into thinking that all of those fake diamonds in your watch and earrings and necklace are real, maybe you should stop by the barbershop and get yourself a fresh edge up before you break 'em out. Dirty edge-ups are not player.
11:51: Cham just took a playful shot at Mike Jones and then cued up a track from
Mixtape Messiah 1, the absolutely devastating diss album he launched at Jones when they were feuding. He says he's joking when he does it, but you can tell he's enjoying it.
11:53: Paul just broke out "Bizzy Body." Another way to say that last sentence: Now's a good time to go the restroom.
11:59: They're doing "Main Event." Slim Thug is on the track, but he never materializes. That's disappointing.
12:04: A member of the House of Blues staff just came rushing through the crowd. He looks like he wants people to think he's very serious, but he has dreadlocks. You just can't be seen as an authority figure if you have dreadlocks. Well, maybe if you're a Jamaican drug lord you can, but other than that, it's pretty impossible.
12:06: Question: What's more ridiculous, that song "King Kong" or the dances that people do when it's played?
12:10: Cham starts talking about freestyling and this and that, then he pulls two guys up on stage from the crowd and lets them do about 16 bars each. The first guy, who says his name is "On Point" or something, does an okay job, but the second guy just kills it. The crowd is bananas with each of his punch lines. You can tell he and On Point are feeling very good about themselves. It's a great moment. But immediately after they're finished Cham brings out ESG, possibly Houston's most legendary freestyle rapper, and he just destroys it.
Sucks for those first two guys. You know on "The Price Is Right" when they do the showcase showdown, and the first showcase is full of stuff like dishwashers and power tools and everyone is like, "Oh, that's a great prize"? But then they show the second showcase and it's full of trips to Europe and new cars and boats and stuff and everyone realizes that the first showcase is the sucker showcase and you should never ever get excited about it? That's what just happened.
12:16: They just brought Pimp C's son out on stage. Dang.
12:17: Booyah! The Bun B Law of Inevitability proves itself again. Bun offers up "Get Throwed" and the crowd explodes.