7:56 p.m.: After puttering back and forth for 30 minutes, we're finally on a service elevator to get up to the press box. The elevator attendant says she just saw Fergie. She says she was "short and skinny." That's slightly different than how we would've described her. We probably would've gone with something like "Frumpy-faced."
8:28 p.m.: Despite being told that the elevators we were on would take us to the 8th floor (which is where the press box is), it didn't. Now we're waiting to get onto some separate elevators on the complete opposite side of the stadium. Here's a snippet of the conversation being held directly in front of us: "...That was a well thought-out plan. They didn't know who I was. It couldn't be traced back to me." This elevator ride is already more interesting than the last four.
8:35 p.m.: Fuck. Wrong elevators again. Kill me.
8:58 p.m.: Okay, seriously, Reliant Stadium Elevator Attendants, is it really so much to ask that you know which elevators can access the 8th floor and which ones can't? That seems like it'd be a pretty essential part of the job.
9:00 p.m.: In the press box. Finally.
9:01 p.m.: They just made an announcement. It was sponsored by M.D. Anderson. They called it the "M.D. Anderson Cancer Prevention Tip." It was to avoid tanning booths because they can increase the risk of you getting cancer. That's cool. But you should also avoid tanning beds because they increase you looking like an asshole.
9:02 p.m.: Oh snap. They're doing the mutton-busting event. That's the one where they put a helmet on a five- or six-year-old kid, sit him on a sheep, then tell him to hold on if he doesn't want to die. It's amazing.
9:04 p.m.: The announcer for the mutton thing is phenomenal. He's so over-the-top excited about announcing that it almost seems like he's making fun of the kids for being involved in this nonsense. He's like, "Here's Carly! HE LOVES PIZZA!" or "And here's David. He wants to be A KARATE INSTRUCTOR!" This is the best. One kid, a strapping young lad named Travis, actually hangs on for a good long bit. The crowd goes bonkers. Great stuff.
9:08 p.m.: They interview Travis after his domination of that bastard sheep. The lady asks him his strategy for the event. His response: "I just hold on tight." Dom Capers must've been his coach.
9:10 p.m.: The show's about to start. The announcer comes on to say that the lights are going to go out soon. We're not concerned. You don't really have to worry about the lights getting cut off until you get that pink envelope. Once you get that pink envelope, that's how you know Reliant is not dicking around anymore.
