Are These the Most Anticipated Albums of 2013? Seriously?

A Web site (magazine?) called Loudwire posted their list of the most anticipated rock albums of 2013. The first question we have is "anticipated by whom?" Because if the answer is "people who love music," then we've got some major problems here.

10. Motley Crue

Really? The tenth most anticipated new rock album. Really. Look, we're not saying Motley Crue aren't hugely popular, clearly they are. They sell out gigantic concert venues and will probably continue to do so for a long time. But is anyone really looking forward to new Motley Crue music?

Diehard fans, maybe, but are there enough of them to make this the number ten most anticipated album of 2013? "Girls Girls Girls" may take you back to 1987 and fond memories of your youth, but it's now been over twenty years since grunge killed hair metal stone dead. Motley Crue's next album is going to change that? Come on.

Will it be any good? Depends on how much you liked Motley Crue at their zenith. But no.

Will it actually come out? If we could stop it, we would.

9. Device

You've never heard of Device, but they're the reason we've got to try to inject some extraneous punctuation into the following word: "super(?)group." It's the singer from Disturbed and the guitarist from Filter, so... this combination is supposed to excite people, we gather. Considering no one has given a shit about either Disturbed or Filter in more than ten years, we really don't see how combining them in an untested outing is supposed to get us all hot and bothered. Maybe they'll have fun together, though. Good for them.

Will it be any good? Do you wish "Hey Man, Nice Shot" ended with a dude screaming about his mommy for five minutes? Well then you should probably go bookmark their MySpace page. Yeah, if you're interested in this band, there's no way you're on anything newer than MySpace.

Will it actually come out? They started recording in June, so we'll at least get a single or two out of them. Could be a personality clash before the album drops, though. It's hard to tell with these super(?)groups and their clashing mega(?)egos.

8. Rob Zombie

He's taking a break from making horror films -- which were slowly but steadily improving as he went along, by the way -- to return to music-making. The three words he supplied to describe the sound he's going for are "dark, heavy, and weird," so that sounds promising. Should a new Rob Zombie crack the top ten, is the real question. Being very, very charitable, the answer is... mmmaybe.

Will it be any good? It might. We're always inclined to give Mr. Zombie the benefit of the doubt, sight unseen.

Will it actually come out? Yeah, he's pretty reliable, for a zombie.

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John Seaborn Gray