Ask Willie D

I'm Kinky and He's Not. Help!

Photo by Jeff Fitlow
Dear Willie D:

I’m into S&M, whips, chains, latex, everything. I love being free to express my sexual desires to my man. My problem is that the new man in my life doesn’t like most of what I like sexually.

He refuses to participate in anything outside of traditional sex. I’m a former high-school teacher, so I like dressing up in short skirts and knee-highs, and role-playing where I’m the student and he’s the teacher. He will play along, but has criticized me in the past for being “too freaky.” How do I get him to open up?


Simply tell him you love him, and would like him to try new things with you to spice up your sex life. Here’s the deal, you are two people with totally different taste in the bedroom. You like ketchup and he likes mustard. It doesn’t mean either of you are wrong, it just means you have different tastes.

In that spirit, you guys need to find a way to make it work or move on. Freakiness cannot be forced. You’re either with it or you’re not.


Dear Willie D:

I’m one of six children and the oldest girl out of four. When my parents died in 2008 (father) and 2009 (mother), we all agreed that we would keep up the maintenance on their house that we grew up in and preserve it for future generations to come.

Well, you guessed it, not one of them held up to their side of the bargain. I have been paying the taxes, getting the lawn cut, and paying for other associated upkeep all by myself for the past five years. Because I have more financially than everyone else, and they know I’m not going to let my parents’ house get foreclosed on, they take me for granted.

What is a polite way of getting them to help out?

Family Values:

You could save yourself some money by calling a family meeting, and coming up with an arrangement that you and your siblings can agree to. Once everyone is in agreement, get it notarized. I don’t know how much legal latitude you have, so talk to an estate lawyer, and get some professional advice before doing anything.

It’s time to move on one way or another. They have to live with their choices, and you have to live with yours.


Dear Willie D:

I’m not the jealous type, but I don’t trust my girlfriend’s best friend — who happens to be a guy. I trust her when she says that she’s not interested in him romantically, but I don’t trust the guy.

If given the chance I know he would smash my girl in a heartbeat. I act as though I’m cool with their relationship, but deep down inside I hate it. How do I tell her how I feel without coming off as a jerk?

Trust Issues:

Just tell her, “Hey, I know you said nothing is going on with you and [insert best friend’s name], but I don’t trust him.”

The problem with any type of protest is, if you push her, your girl will probably start sneak-meeting and talking on the phone with her best friend. She’s not going to give up her best friend for you, and wondering whether or not they’re boning will always be in the back of your mind.


Dear Willie D:

I’m a 29-year-old male working for a company that’s very liberal in its hiring practices. It makes me proud to be a part of a company that judges people by their skill-set rather than what they look like, their sexual orientation or their religious beliefs. We have a special-needs person, whom I’ll call John, who’s been with the company for about five years.

Everybody knows John, and likes him, but no one will sit with him during lunch breaks because of his drool, so he sits alone. One day, I sat at the table with him for lunch, and asked him about his family, and if he had a girlfriend. I was surprised when he said he did, which I shouldn’t have been, because as you know, there’s somebody for everybody.

Anyway, since that day, John follows me everywhere I go when I’m at work, and he sits wherever I sit during lunch. I don’t care about his special needs. That’s not the problem. I just don’t want some dude following me everywhere I go. How do I get him to chill out without being an asshole about it?

Special Needs:

He’s just excited about having a new friend. Tell him bluntly, 'Hey man, I think you’re a good dude, but you need to stop following me around.' If he continues to follow you, continue to tell him. Eventually, he’ll get the message, and stop.

Ask Willie D anything at, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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Willie D is a member of the legendary hip hop band, the Geto Boys, the host and executive producer of the Willie D Live podcast, and an advice columnist for the Houston Press since 2013.
Contact: Willie D