How Do I Stop Being an A-Hole? Help!

How Do I Stop Being an A-Hole? Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
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Dear Willie D:

I’m a 30-year-old man, and I’m just starting to become aware of how much of an asshole I am. I’m the guy in the group who always has to have the last word, even if I’m wrong.

If someone doesn’t know the answer to a question, or if they say something that they think is factual, and I can prove them wrong, I never miss the opportunity to make them look stupid. I think it’s a lack of my own confidence. Being that I’m an only child and I’m small in stature, I never played sports and often did everything solo.

So I built a brain wall to impress people. But now I realize not many people like me. They tolerate me. How do I change?

Last Word:

It takes a big man to admit he’s an asshole. Personally, I don’t think being an asshole is such a bad thing. After all, everybody has one. For many people, an asshole can be fun, but not all the time. You have to know when to conceal it. If you show it at the wrong time, apologize and move on, but don’t be ashamed.

Think about it, if you didn’t have an asshole, you’d be full of shit. So cuddle up to the asshole in you. It’s the only one you have.


Dear Willie D:

I’m a female and my boss is trying to make me wear my skirts longer. I came to work the other day and she said that my skirt was too short, and it’s unprofessional. I work in a medical lab with mostly women, and all of them wear their skirts shorter than I wear mine.

I feel she’s picking on me because she’s jealous of my body. She wrote me up last month for serving myself a drink from the cappuccino machine without paying. But the rules are, employees cannot use the paper cups the company provides without paying.

The Employee Handbook says clothing should not be too tight, short or revealing. But who decides what’s inappropriate if the minimum length is not clearly stated?

Too Short:

The boss does.


Dear Willie D:

My girlfriend of almost a year doesn’t want me to take on a management role for my company in a new city. She is a great person who I love with everything in me, but she is afraid of change. When I tell her this, she interprets it as me calling her unadvanced.

She wants to stay in Lake Charles to be close to her family. I have told her that with my new position, I can get further in one year than I could in five years staying where we are. I need some advice on what to say to get her to change her mind. She is extremely stubborn.

Job Opportunity:

You’ve been dating for less than a year. That means you’re still in the growth and “getting to know you” stage. I would consider what I want my future to look like, and decide from there based on my priorities.

What’s most important: your girlfriend, or being on the fast track in your career? It’s possible that you could have both with a long-distance relationship in hopes that she’ll eventually come around and join you. Talk to your girlfriend about your plans to take the job, but don’t give her an ultimatum. Let her know that your plans include her, but if she doesn’t want to accept the terms, you understand.

Change is seldom easy. Follow your instincts and do what’s best for you. Anything else you will regret.


Dear Willie D:

I buy and sell sneakers online, and at trade shows. I sold a pair of 2016 Air Jordan 1 Retros to a guy online who lives in town for $425. Now he wants a refund, even though the description clearly states “No refunds.” This is a guy I know through a mutual friend who said he saw him at a party with the sneakers on.

Since he used PayPal to make the purchase, the transaction is currently in dispute, and I’m afraid PayPal will force me to refund him by taking the money out of my account. What should I do?

Sneaker Dispute:

So basically, you got ripped off twice: By the guy who you sold the sneakers to, and by the guy who sold you the sneakers. You could withdraw your funds, and close your PayPal account so that they can’t access your bank account, allow PayPal to complete their investigation (they may decide in your favor), take him to small claims court, or take the L.

I appreciate the letter, but it’s hard for me to have sympathy for anyone who would camp out to blow hundreds of dollars on a pair of sneakers just because they’re stamped with a jumpman logo. Michael Jordan is a self-aggrandizing, ungrateful jerk. I wish I would give him a dime of mine.

Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.

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