Should I Tell My Daughter I'm Not Her Biological Father?

Should I Tell My Daughter I'm Not Her Biological Father?
Jeff Fitlow
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Dear Willie D:

Big fan of your music. I’m a very private man, but sometimes when you discuss issues with someone you don't know, you get a good, unbiased, truthful answer. I was in an eight-year relationship with a younger woman, a child was born after the breakup, and I found out through DNA that the child is not mine.

My family doesn’t know, and the child doesn't know. I still spend time with the child, and I have other kids that are grown. I’m afraid my family and my other kids will eventually find out she’s not my real daughter and will treat her differently. What would Willie D do?

Private Man:

I would tell her soon. The longer you wait, the more betrayed she'll feel. Her biological father matters, if for nothing else health reasons. You don’t want her calling you from college saying, “Hey, Dad, I’m at the doctor’s office. They need to know do we have any history of hemochromatosis in our family?”

Kids sometimes are better at dealing with reality than grownups are. A friend of mine’s adoptive daughter gave the most epic response ever to being teased about him and his wife not being her biological parents. He overheard her and his son in the room talking when they were small kids.

His son told her, “That’s my mama and daddy. [Insert daughter’s biological parents’ names] is your mama and daddy, to which she replied, “I know, but that was my first mama and daddy, but then my new mama and daddy [insert names] came and got me." That shut his son down, and from that day on, they have been brother and sister.


Dear Willie D:

Even though certain people love to say, “If you don't like America, leave, go back to Africa," it’s not that easy because they control who can't have a passport. If you have a felony criminal record, you cannot obtain a passport to leave the United States.

Criminal Record:

That’s not true. However, there are some situations in which the U.S. Department of State will deny a passport application. If you are currently on probation, or you owe child support payments, you should probably hold off on applying.


Dear Willie D:

Yo, Willie man, reality TV shows like Love and Hip Hop, Basketball Wives and Atlanta House Wives, with all the violence they promote for entertainment, it seems like they are trying to encourage this in our community.

I'm seeing more and more women turning against each other. The men turned against each other years ago, so now it's the women’s time. WTF is going on? Keep up the good work, partner. I’m out!


I think we can collectively agree that reality TV sucks donkey nuts. But it has more to do with making money than with a conspiracy to ruin communities. Some of the more sensationalized, drama-filled, trashy shows could actually be used as a social experiment. If you watch the shows and study the cast from an analytical and psychological viewpoint, and behave the opposite of the way the people do on screen, you might become a better person.

I for one have learned an awful lot about human interaction, and business, from reality TV shows. I can't not watch Shark Tank, and The Profit, and don’t get me started on crime shows. They absolutely fascinate me.


Dear Willie D:

I need help. I can't relate to people and generally do not care about what happens to anyone (save for a few close friends and family). Nothing brings me joy and most of the time I pretend to be having fun when I actually feel a cold sensation on the inside. Oftentimes I try to sympathize with people, and just can't.

I want to care, but deep down I feel like there's a part of me that honestly wants to be this cold monster that only wishes to see mayhem and pain to those who have hurt me throughout my life. Because that's all I've known, does that make me an evil person? Am I a sociopath? Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Can’t Relate:

Being that I’m not a mental health specialist, I can’t provide a professional diagnosis for you, but I can say that you do seem to have a few traits that are consistent with sociopathic behavior, such as pretending to have fun when actually you feel a cold sensation inside to harm people. Talk to a therapist who can better assist you with the help you need. Whatever you do, please don’t go out there and hurt innocent people.

In the meantime, you can check out this sociopath test I found online. I don’t know how accurate it is, but it may provide some answers. Here you go: https://www.healthyplace.com/psychological-tests/sociopath-test-am-i-a-sociopath.

Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.

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