Dear Willie D:
I started writing a convicted murderer out of boredom and curiosity. He actually killed three people at different times, so technically he’s a serial killer, the youngest in our state. I’m a 20-year-old male college student, and he’s 22. I find it fascinating that someone so close to me in age could be so damaged internally so young.
He has never asked me for money, or anything, and we don’t discuss his crimes. For my birthday, he sent me some drawings that he did. He signs his drawings with a peace symbol. In the three years that we’ve been pen pals, I have visited him six times, once with my girlfriend. We write each other two times a month, and he never miss [sic] sending Christmas cards to me and my family.
With each letter or card, I get an adrenaline rush. It’s like I’m secretly hoping he confesses to another crime, or maybe he will snap and threaten my family. Although he can’t harm us (he has a life sentence without parole), it makes me think about different ways to protect my family from a violent attacker. What do you think of my situation?
I think you need a psychiatric evaluation. Whether dude is in prison or not, I would never let a sociopath that close to my family. Those types of people are great manipulators who could have you and your family doing all kinds of crazy things.
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Yeah, man, get some help and find some regular friends, or a band to follow from city to city. Being a serial-killer groupie is unbecoming.
I WAS PROMOTED BUT I DON'T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY
Dear Willie D:
Ideally, one wants to move up the ladder to success quickly. I have worked for my company going on six years, and I enjoy the department I work in. I’m not an overachiever, but I produce just enough results to justify my salary. I like things simple, and avoid extra obligations like the plague.
Early last week I was called into my boss’s office. Since I’m a minimalist, any time I get called into the boss’s office, I think it’s to be fired. Contrarily, I was promoted. The problem is that I would have more responsibilities, but earn the same amount of money. I put on my happy face and thanked my boss, but inside I was falling apart.
The promotion could set me up for a better position within another company, but I’m not financially motivated enough to embrace the responsibility. How do I go back to my boss and tell her thanks, but no thanks?
Express your commitment to your job, why you don’t want the promotion, and decline gracefully. A good leader won’t promote a high-performance employee to a position where he or she will be overwhelmed with responsibilities, and be less productive. If your boss insists on you taking the promotion, you can always quit.
HOW DO I GET MEN TO BE NOT JUST SEXUALLY, BUT ROMANTICALLY, INTERESTED IN ME?
Dear Willie D:
I want to make it clear that I’m under no illusion that men don’t want sex. To be honest, I’m 34 years old and, like most women, I want sex too, just not all the time. Sometimes I want to be swept off my feet with soft music, gifts, flowers or a romantic dinner. But most of the guys I meet aren’t interested in romance. They want to jump straight to humping my bones.
I have an economics degree and pay my own way. I’m also considerate of others and cater to my man. But all guys see when they look at me is sex. How do I get them to focus on the mental, not the physical?
You had me at catering to your man. The rest is icing on the cake, so continue doing the things you’re already doing, but respect the red flags, which are:
* Conversations that always turn sexual.
* He never wants to take you out and do activities.
* He never asks about your friends and family.
* He doesn’t introduce you to his friends.
* You’ve been sexing him for more than a year, and he still hasn’t met your mother.
* He’s extremely secretive.
* His foreplay game is weak af.
There’s no foolproof way to know for sure what a man’s true intentions are. Only time will tell. But you would be surprised how attractive a woman is when she knows her self-worth and projects it. The right guy will come along. When he does, just make sure you’re not stuck with the wrong guy.
MY TEEN DAUGHTER WANTS TO HAVE A HOUSE PARTY WITHOUT ME PRESENT
Dear Willie D:
My 17-year-old daughter wants to have a party without me or her mom present. She says we’re too strict, and her friends won’t be able to relax if we’re there. She wants her older sister, who is 21, to act as a guardian and to chaperone the party. We are against it, but she is persistent and wants us to reconsider. We know we’re doing the right thing, but we feel guilty. What are your thoughts?
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I would be against my 17-year-old attending any party without at least one responsible adult present. While I trust my son, the bottom line is, many kids drink alcohol and do drugs. Having said that, if my underage son wanted to have a party at my house without me or his mom present, I can’t say that I would blame him. Parents are experts at blowing their kids’ natural high.
In your situation, I think it would depend on how responsible your 21-year-old daughter is. If she’s a responsible adult, I say let him have the party. But sit both kids down and explain the rules in detail of what you expect of them and the party guests, because if another kid gets hurt, or ODs at your home, or wraps his car around a light pole while leaving your home because he was blasted, the liability will be yours.
So, think responsibly, my friend.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.