Ask Willie D

What Do I Say to a Dying Friend? Help!

What Do I Say to a Dying Friend? Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
Dear Willie D:

My friend of 23 years is dying of diabetes, and I don’t know what to say to him. I think about him every day, but I won’t call but every so often because I don’t know how to communicate with a dying person. What do I say to my dying friend to let him know I support him?

Dying to Speak:

I went through that with my dad and uncle. I spoke with my dad about family health issues, his relationship with my mom, and things that were on his bucket list. We went more places together in the final year of his life than we had my entire life. My uncle’s health deteriorated much faster, so I mostly sat with him watching TV and talking about life as we always did.

Each day I would call and ask him what he wanted to eat. He enjoyed his wife’s cooking, but he loved for me to bring him restaurant food. He was leaving his wife, children and grandchildren behind, and it was important to him that they were taken care of after he was gone, which I reassured him I would do.

I guess what you say to a dying friend isn’t much different from what you’d say to a living friend. Talk about regular things, and ask him if he needs you to do something for him. Essentially, it’s not about what you say, but what you do. You can tell your friend, “I’m here for you,” but actually being there would be more effective.


Dear Willie D:

I told the wife of the guy who had sex with my girl about the affair; now my girl is mad and he’s threatening to harm me. Maybe I was wrong, but I thought she needed to know since they have children together. Please tell me I did the right thing?

Multifamily Affair:

I can’t believe you’re still calling her your girl. Anyway, I’m not wired to inject others into my beef. So I can’t see calling the wife to get even. But I can respect your gangster if you felt the need to play it that way. As they say, all is fair in love and war.


Dear Willie D:

I’ve learned that in this cold world, you’re on your own. My parents disowned me when I was a kid. They gave me off to my aunt and uncle, who abused the living shit out of me and reminded me every day how grateful I should be that they are taking care of me.

They were foster parents to six other kids. The only reason they kept me was because they were receiving government checks. I had a girlfriend who cheated on me with one of my foster brothers. All my friends turned out to be users. For a long time, I hated myself and wanted to end my life. Then one day I snapped out of it, and started loving myself.

I went to school and got my degree. I worked a tech job for a shitty boss for five years until I was able to take my skills and start my own business. I’m now married to a great woman and have a two-year-old son, and I’m happy. I take care of them, but fuck everybody else. If this story sounds familiar to you, fuck you and everything you love!

Fuck the World:

Well, damn. Tell us how you really feel.


Dear Willie D:

I’m in a difficult situation. My girlfriend of nine months is bisexual. She was up front about her sexuality when we first met. She told me that she had been with a girl before, but I thought she was just experimenting. I didn’t know she had an ongoing thing for girls. I didn’t think she was all the way bisexual.

The other day when we were bar-hopping, she started flirting with this girl we met. They ended up kissing and the girl wanted to go home with us, but I told my girl I wasn’t comfortable bringing another woman into our bedroom. Ever since then, she has been walking around the house with an attitude, and saying things like I’m trying to change her.

I told her that I know she is bisexual, but that doesn’t mean that she gets to sleep with other people. Just like I don’t get to sleep with other girls because I’m heterosexual. I feel as though she is exploiting our relationship with her sexual orientation.

Most guys would give anything for their girl to be cool with sharing them with another woman, but the love I feel for her won’t allow me to share her. Should I leave her, or just go with it?

Sexual Orientation:

While love may be a choice, attraction is not. If you want to be in a monogamous relationship, you need to date someone who wants to be in a monogamous relationship with you. End of story.

Ask Willie D anything at, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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Willie D is a member of the legendary hip hop band, the Geto Boys, the host and executive producer of the Willie D Live podcast, and an advice columnist for the Houston Press since 2013.
Contact: Willie D