Dear Willie D:
A friend of mine is an assistant for a famous athlete whose house party I attended. At the party, this particular athlete was nice and attentive to his guests. But I noticed he paid special attention to me. Being that I rode with my friend to the party and he was the last to leave, I volunteered to help clean up.
Sensing the chemistry between me and his friend, my friend left so that we could be alone after his friend offered to take me home. Even though he was a little drunk, and although we had just met for the first time, I felt very comfortable being alone with this man because of all the good things I’ve heard about him from my friend.
Not long after my friend left, he tried to kiss me on the lips, but I turned and he kissed me near the ear. As I tried to get away he pinned me down, forced himself on top of me and raped me. This man broke my trust, and has caused me to seek therapy. When I called him the next day and asked why he raped me, he denied it and said it was consensual.
He told me I was crazy and to stop calling him. I don’t know what to do because he has a lot of power in the city, and it’s his word against mine. Do I file charges, or just forget about it?
As a man, it’s hard for me to completely get what you’re going through, but as a human being, if I was violated in any way, my instincts would tell me to fight back, and that’s what you should do. Furthermore, being drunk is not an excuse for rape. If you drink and drive, and kill someone, you will be prosecuted. You’re not going to be able to get off with telling the judge, “Oh I was drunk. Can I go home now?”
I’m glad you’re getting the help you need, and thank you for being brave enough to speak out.
SHOULD I CALL A GIRL WHOSE HOUSE I PAINTED TO HOOK UP?
Dear Willie D:
I did a paint job on a condo owned by a girl I’m interested in hooking up with. I was too insecure to make a move on her while I was at her house because she spoke to me about some rich guy she liked recently being taken off the market.
I still have her number and want to call her, but I was thinking not only am I out of her league, it’s probably unprofessional. What do you think?
What do you mean you’re out of her league? I know a beautiful woman who dated a rapper (guess who), a broke fitness trainer and a billionaire businessman all in the same year. Women’s taste in men tends to have more to do with personality than with what he does for a living. If the two of you are together, you are in her league.
Calling her to express your interest in her is easy. Simply call and say, “Hey, this is ___ (insert your name).” Act like you’re just checking to make sure she’s satisfied with the paint job you did, then say something like, “I have a policy to never mix business with pleasure, and since we’re no longer doing business together, I was wondering, would you do me the pleasure of allowing me to take you to lunch or dinner one day next week?”
Inviting her to dinner the following week instead of the same week implies that you are busy (women like that), and gives her time to make arrangements. Good luck, and let me know how it goes.
I DON'T WANT TO BE SOME DUDE'S BITCH IN PRISON. HOW DO I SURVIVE?
Dear Willie D:
Long story short, I’m on my way to prison for a crime I confessed to. I’m a 36-year-old black guy from the suburbs who has never been in trouble with the law. I’m a little bigger than regular size (5’11", 195 pounds), but no one’s going to look at me and feel intimidated. How do I survive my sentence without being raped, killed or taking a life?
The first rule when serving time is to mind your own business. The security level of the prison you end up at has a lot to do with the level of respect and potential danger you might face. The higher the security, the more respect is demanded by both inmates and guards, but more so the inmates.
A simple misunderstanding can get you murdered in a maximum or medium security prison. Follow these steps to increase your chance of survival:
- Stay to yourself mostly
- Don’t go into debt
- Don’t make friends
- Don’t make enemies
- Don’t steal
- Pull your pants up, and don’t expose your drawers unless you want to give up the drawers
- Never appear to be afraid
- Don’t talk about your crime
- Be respectful and considerate of others
- When you take a dump, flush after each deposit
- Don’t tell anyone what your out-date is
- Don’t forget the first step.
I DISTANCED MYSELF FROM MY NEGATIVE FAMILY
Dear Willie D:
I experienced something traumatic not long ago, and none of my family checked up on me to see if I was all right, not even my mom. I’m usually the one looking out for everybody, but when I was down, nobody looked out for me.
I used to be close to my cousin until she clicked up with a girl who I don’t get along with, and started telling people that I think I’m all that because I have money. She got her negative energy honestly, because my mom raised her, and my mom is the same way. That’s why I moved far away, and don’t mess with them anymore.
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My mom is wanting to come live with me because she’s lonely, but I have two small kids, and I don’t want her negative energy influencing them. I told her I would think about it, but the truth is my answer was no when she first asked, and that’s what I intend to tell her. Do you think I’m wrong for not letting my mom come to live with me?
Mother or not, I wouldn’t let anyone in my house that might disrupt the cohesiveness of my family unit. Let the guilt go, and live your life.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.