Dear Willie D:
Not to judge, but my best friend has been seeing a married man for five years. Now she’s pregnant, and wants to keep the baby. In so many words, I told her that she should get an abortion, but she has decided to keep the baby. How can I convince her that if she has the baby, it will ruin her life and cheat the baby of being raised by two loving parents?
She doesn’t care about ruining the guy’s marriage. That’s why I didn’t mention how it would affect him. She thinks he will be with her after his marriage ends.
Not to Judge:
I can tell you mean well, but there are so many problems with this letter. Your friend has been seeing a married man for five years and you wait until she gets pregnant to intervene? Then when you do, you tell her to abort the baby because it will ruin her life? What about the baby’s life? The baby didn’t ask to be put in its parents’ mess.
You’re about a day late and a dollar short for advice. But for what it’s worth, I’ll give it a shot. Abortion is a personal choice, and your friend isn’t interested in your opinion. She’s made her bed, now let her “lie” in it.
MY BROTHER'S GIRLFRIEND IS A GOLD DIGGER
Dear Willie D:
To this day I swear I don’t know what my brother sees in his girlfriend. She has two kids by two different men who are losers. One is in jail, and the other has a minimum-wage job. He is a hard worker with striking looks. She is lazy and not at all attractive, but she has him wrapped around her finger.
She stays at home all day, and whenever she’s out she’s blowing what little money they have. It’s a small town, so that’s all I’m willing to say. Why can’t he see he’s being used?
First off, if you’re calling one of the baby daddies a loser simply because he earns minimum wage, you might want to rethink that. While minimum wage may not be something to brag about, at least it’s an honest living.
Your brother’s situation reminds me of the Bill Withers hit “Use Me,” when he said:
It ain't too bad the way you're using me/ 'Cause I sure am using you to do the things you do
Picture your brother singing those words to his girlfriend…while they’re in bed…making love…working on your brand-new niece or nephew. Okay, I’ll stop. Listen, I know he’s your brother and you’re just looking out for him, but he’s a grown man. Support him, but back off. After all, he’s the one who has to live with her, not you.
WHY DOES MY MOM THINK SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO GO THROUGH MY PHONE?
Dear Willie D:
I’m a 38-year-old mother of three girls ages ten, 14 and 17. Although I have to be mindful that my 14- and 17-year-olds are now interested in boys, I don’t go through their phone because I trust them to make good decisions. But they’re kids. I’m a grown woman, and my mom goes through my phone every chance she gets.
The last time I caught her going through my phone, I asked her what was she doing, and she said she was looking for my boyfriend's mother’s number. I told her all she had to do was ask, and I would have told her. But my boyfriend’s mother is an alcoholic, and my mom doesn’t drink, so why would she want her number?
I love my mother but I don’t trust her. I think she was trying to find my password for my debit card because she knows it’s in my phone, and I have a bad memory. I once put a password on my phone, and she figured out a way to unlock it. How do I keep my mother in my life but out of my phone?
It sounds like your mother is a thief and you know it, but your love for her won’t allow you to keep her at a safe distance. So, if you don’t trust yourself to properly password protect your phone when your mom is around, do what my mom used to do: Stash it in the bra you’re wearing that supports the only two suckers you can trust.
MY EX THREW AWAY MY APOLOGY LETTER
Dear Willie D:
I messed up really bad with my girl, or should I say my ex-girl. I didn’t actually cheat, but I was hanging out with a girl, and we were busted hugging at a house party. She sent me a text message with a picture of me and the girl that her friend who I had never met before sent her. I didn’t even know we were being spied on.
At first I felt violated, and fussed at her. But I realized I was wrong, and the chain of events would not have happened had I not been unfaithful. I wrote her an apology letter the same night, and surprised her by putting it on her car windshield the next morning, so she would see it when she went to work. She lives in an apartment complex with lots of cars, so it was easy for me to park where she couldn’t see me but I could see her.
When she finally came out, she picked up the letter, read it and squashed it in her hands. Then she threw it on the ground. I was thinking she might call me, but she never did. It’s been over a week. Should I try again, or let it go?
Come on, man! You got busted hugged up with another girl. You cheated. Man up, and take the L. Okay, now that you’ve come completely clean, you can start the healing process, and possibly make amends.
Whether you should try to reconnect with your ex depends on how badly you want her back. Almost every married couple I know has broken up at least once before they were married, so there’s always hope.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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