Whatever

Assembling the Ultimate Video-Game Band

Being resident Houston Press video-game reviewer is an awesome gig. I mean, getting paid to play video games? What's not to love? But I still think of myself as a music journalist, and today I thought I'd combine the two. What if we could build a supergroup out of some of the best musical characters in game history? Today, let's live that dream.

Vocals: GLaDOS

Pros: The antagonist AI of the Portal series sings two songs over the course of the games, and one of them, "Still Alive," was a fairly moderate hit. She's a consummate performer whose voice has become recognized as one of the greatest in game history.

Blessed with an amazing wit and a penchant for modern indie rock, as well as an imposing form that can dominate a performance as she dangles from the ceiling, she'd make a perfect front person.

Cons: She's murderous, bitchy, sarcastic, and openly insults anyone around her with passive-aggressive menace. Actually, that pretty much describes any lead singer, so really we're just talking a matter of degree here. Just keep her away from anything that can be used as a weapon.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner