Dear Houston Astros: Seriously, you are now making us drink. We actually went to a bar last night after work in the hopes you would win so we wouldn't have a big bar tab. When you do well, we are too busy watching that we forget to drink. But when you suck, we get drunk. So now you are costing us money, money that we want to spend on seeing you play at Minute Maid Park. But now, since you are the worst team in baseball, maybe you can just leave the doors to the stadium up so vagrants and whatnot can at least use the grounds for something worth a damn, like urinating or smoking crack.
Actually... maybe you guys should try crack. Maybe it will make you all play harder and better so you can make more money from Drayton to buy more of said crack.
What? Albert Pujols is the problem? Ever seen Goodfellas? Pujols is too good? You don't know how to pitch to him?
Let us paraphrase Henry Hill: "Fuck you, win a game."
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